G DOWN A LADY.

AT a religious meeting, a lady persevered in standing on a bench, and
thus intercepting the view of others, though repeatedly requested to sit
down. A reverend old gentleman at last rose, and said, gravely, "I
think, if the lady knew that she had a large hole in each of her
stockings, she would not exhibit them in this way." This had the desired
effect--she immediately sunk down on her seat. A young minister standing
by, blushed to the temples, and said, "O brother, how could you say what
was not the fact?" "Not the fact!" replied the old gentleman; "if she
had not a large hole in each of her stockings, I should like to know how
she gets them on."

WOMAN'S RIGHTS.

MISS Lucy Stone, of Boston, a "woman's rights" woman, having put the
question, "Marriage--what is it?" an Irish echo in the _Boston Post_
inquires, "Wouldn't you like to know?"

A COMPROMISE.

A BOY was caught in the act of stealing dried berries in front of a
store, the other day, and was locked up in a dark closet by the grocer.
The boy commenced begging most pathetically to be released, and after
using all the persuasion that his young imagination could invent,
proposed, "Now, if you'll let me out, and send for my daddy, he'll pay
you for them, and _lick me besides_." This appeal was too much for the
grocer to stand out against.

ELECTION MORALS.

AN elector of a country town, who was warmly pressed during the recent
contest to give his vote to a certain candidate, replied that it was
impossible, since he had already promised to vote for the other. "Oh,"
said the candidate, "in election matters, promises, you know, go for
nothing." "If that is the case," rejoined the elector, "I promise you my
vote at once."--_Galignani's Messenger._

A QUANDARY.

THE _New Orleans Picayune_ defines a quandary thus:--"A baker with both
arms up to the elbows in dough, and a flea in the leg of his trowsers."
We have just heard a story which conveys quite as clever an idea of the
thing as the _Picayune's_ definition. An old gentleman, who had studied
theological subjects rather too much for the strength of his brains,
determined to try his luck in preaching; nothing doubting but that
matter and form would be given him, without any particular preparation
on his own part. Accordingly on Sunday he ascended the pulpit, sung and
prayed, read his text, and stopped. He stood a good while, first on one
leg, and then on the