t inquisitive old gentlemen
she ever see."

GRAFTING.

A LADY, being so unfortunate as to have her husband hang himself on an
apple tree, the wife of a neighbor immediately came to beg a branch of
the tree for grafting. "For who knows," said she, "but it may bear the
same kind of fruit?"

IN ORDERS.

A COUNTRY squire introduced his baboon, in clerical habits, to say
grace. A clergyman, who was present, immediately left the table, and
asked ten thousand pardons for not remembering, that his lordship's
nearest relation was in orders.

NO STRANGER.

A HUMOROUS divine, visiting a gentleman whose wife none of the most
amiable, overheard his friend say, "If it were not for the stranger in
the next room, I would kick you out of doors." Upon which, the clergyman
stepped in, and said, "Pray, sir, make no stranger of me."

BOTH ONE.

AN honest clergyman, in the country, was reproving a married couple for
their frequent dissensions, seeing they were both one. "Both one!" cried
the husband; "were you to come by our door sometimes, when we quarrel,
you would swear we were twenty."

PRESS AND SQUEEZE.

A FRENCHMAN having frequently heard the word _press_ made use of to
imply _persuade_, as, "press that gentleman to take some refreshment,"
"press him to stay to-night," thought he would show his talents, by
using a synonymous term; and therefore made no scruple, one evening, to
cry out in company, "Pray _squeeze_ that lady to sing."

TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING.

A CERTAIN gentleman, not well skilled in orthography, requested his
friend to send him _too_ monkeys. The _t_ not being distinctly written,
his friend concluded his _too_ was intended for 100. With difficulty, he
procured fifty, which he sent; adding, "The other fifty, agreeable to
your order, will be forwarded as soon as possible."

LONG NOSE.

A GENTLEMAN having put out a candle, by accident, one night, ordered his
waiting-man, who was a simple being, to light it again in the kitchen.
"But take care, John," added he, "that you do not hit yourself against
anything, in the dark." Mindful of the caution, John stretched out both
his arms at full length, before him; but unluckily, a door, which stood
half open, passed between his hands, and struck him a woful blow upon
the nose. "Dickens!" muttered he, when he recovered his senses a little,
"I always heard that I had a plaguey long nose, but I vow I never hav