"Faith, an' I thought the whole strate belonged to ye," replied the
Irishman.

DUTCH MARRIAGE.

AN old Dutch farmer, just arrived at the dignity of justice of the
peace, had his first marriage case. He did it up in this way. He first
said to the man: "Vell, you vants to be marrit, do you? Vell, you lovesh
dis voman so goot as any voman you have ever seen?" "Yes," answered the
man. Then to the woman: "Vell, do you love dis man so better as any man
you have ever seen?" She hesitated a little, and he repeated: "Vell,
vell, do you like him so vell as to be his vife?" "Yes, yes," she
answered. "Vell, dat ish all any reasonable man can expect. So you are
marrit; I pronounce you man and vife." The man asked the justice what
was to pay. "Nothing at all, nothing at all; you are velcome to it if it
vill do you any good."

SAVE THE MATERIAL.

A RICH old farmer at Crowle, near Bantry, England, speaking to a
neighbour about the "larning" of his nephew, said:--"Why I shud a made
Tom a lawyer, I think, but he was sich a good hand to hold a plough that
I thought 'twere a pity to spoil a good ploughboy."

BE DISCREET.

IF your sister, while tenderly engaged in a tender conversation with her
tender sweetheart, asks you to bring a glass of water from an adjoining
room, you can start on the errand, but you need not return. You will not
be missed--that's certain; we've seen it tried. Don't forget this,
little boys.

TRAVELER'S TALE.

A TRAVELER, relating his adventures, told the company that he and his
servant had made fifty wild Arabs run; which startling them, he observed
that there was no great matter in it--"for," said he, "we ran, and they
ran after us."

AN OPINION.

A TIPSY Irishman, leaning against a lamp post as a funeral was passing
by, was asked who was dead. "I can't exactly say, sir," said he, "but I
presume it's the gentleman in the coffin."

GARRICK.

A CERTAIN lord wished Garrick to be a candidate for the representation
of a borough in parliament. "No, my lord," said the actor, "I would
rather play the part of a great man on the stage than the part of a fool
in parliament."

JONATHAN'S LAST.

THE people live uncommon long at Vermont. There are two men there so old
that they have quite forgotten who they are, and there is nobody alive
who can remember it for them.

METAPHYSICS.

A SCOTCH blacksmith, being asked the meaning of metaphysic