for protection, he introduced me to a ladder, down which I
_ascended_ into the cabin, one of the most curious places I ever
beheld--where ladies and gentlemen are put upon shelves like books in a
library, and where tall men are doubled up like bootjacks, before they
can be put away at all. A gentleman in a heavy cap without his coat laid
me perpendicular on a mattrass, with a basin by my side, and said that
was my birth. I thought it would have been my death, for I never was so
ill-disposed in all my life. I behaved extremely ill to a very amiable
middle-aged gentleman, who had the misfortune to be attending on his
wife, in a little bed under me. There was no _symphony_ to be found
among the tars (so called from their smell), for just before we went off
I heard them throw a painter overboard, and directly after they called
out to one another to hoist up the ensign. I was too ill to inquire what
the poor young gentleman had done; but after I came up stairs, I did not
see his body hanging anywhere, so I conclude they cut him down--I hope
it was not young Mr. Marr, a venturing after my Lavy. I was quite
shocked to find what democrats the sailors are--they seem to hate the
nobility--especially the law lords. The way I discovered this _apathy_
of theirs to the nobility, was this--the very moment we lost sight of
England and were close to France, they began, one and all, to swear
first at the Peer, and then at the Bar, in such gross terms as made my
very blood run cold. I was quite pleased to see Lavinia sitting with Mr.
Fulmer in the traveling carriage on the outside of the packet; but
Lavinia afforded great proofs of her good bringing up, by commanding her
feelings. It is curious what could have agitated the _billy ducks_ of
my stomach, because I took every precaution which is recommended in
different books to prevent ill-disposition. I had some mutton chops at
breakfast, some Scotch marmalade on bread and butter, two eggs, two cups
of coffee, and three of tea, besides toast, a little fried whiting, some
potted char, and a few shrimps, and after breakfast I took a glass of
warm white wine negus and a few oysters, which lasted me till we got
into the boat, where I began eating gingerbread nuts all the way to the
packet, and there was persuaded to take a glass of bottled porter to
keep everything snug and comfortable.

Adieu,

Yours truly,
DOROTHEA JULIA RAMSBOTTOM.

[*] This jeu d'esprit is attributed to Theodore Hook.