ow," replied the audience. "Ah, as you know," said he, quitting the
pulpit, "why should I take the trouble of telling you?" When next he
came to preach, the congregation resolved to try his powers; and when he
asked his usual question, replied, "Some of us know, and some of us do
not know." "Very well," said he, "let those who know, tell those who do
not know."--_Turkish Jest-book._

AFFECTIONATE HUSBAND.

THE other day, Mrs. Snipkins being unwell, sent for a medical man, and
declared that she was poisoned, and that Mr. Snipkins did it. "I didn't
do it," shouted Snipkins. "It's all gammon; she isn't poisoned. Prove
it, doctor--open her on the spot--I'm willing."

BRUMMELL.

"MAY I help you to some beef?" said the master of the house to the late
Mr. Brummell. "I never eat beef, nor horse, nor anything of that sort,"
answered the astonished and indignant epicure.

BATHOS.

SOME years ago, during a discussion respecting the Bank of Waterford, an
Honourable Member said, "I conjure the Right Honourable the Chancellor
of the Exchequer to pause in his dangerous career, and desist from a
course only calculated to inflict innumerable calamities on my
country--to convulse the entire system of society with anarchy and
revolution--to shake the very pillars of civil government itself--and to
cause _a fall in the price of butter in Waterford_."

DANGEROUS VISITS.

A PERSON who was recently called into court, for the purpose of proving
the correctness of a doctor's bill, was asked by the lawyer whether the
doctor did not make several visits after the patient was out of danger?
"No," replied the witness, "I considered the patient in danger as long
as the doctor continued his visits!"

NONSENSE.

BEING asked to give a definition of nonsense, Dr. Johnson replied, "Sir,
it is nonsense to bolt a door with a boiled carrot."

CONCEIT.

I BELIEVE every created crittur in the world thinks that he's the most
entertainin' one on it, and that there's no gettin' on anyhow without
him. _Consait grows as natural as the hair on one's head, but is longer
in comin' out._--_Sam Slick's Wise Saws._

KISSING BY PROXY.

ONE of the deacons of a certain church asked the bishop if he usually
kissed the bride at weddings.

"Always," was the reply.

"And how do you manage when the happy pair are negroes?" was the next
question.

"In all such cases," replied the bishop, "the duty of k