s, explained
it as follows:--"When the party who listens disna ken what the party who
speaks means, and when the party who speaks disna ken what he means
himsel'--that is metaphysics."

FORENSIC ELOQUENCE.

THE _Wheeling Gazette_ gives the following, as an extract from the
recent address of a barrister "out west," to a jury:--"The law expressly
declares, gentlemen, in the beautiful language of Shakspeare, that where
no doubt exists of the guilt of the prisoner, it is your duty to fetch
him in innocent. If you keep this fact in view, in the case of my
client, gentlemen, you will have the honor of making a friend of him,
and all his relations; and you can allers look upon this occasion, and
reflect with pleasure, that you have done as you would be done by. But
if, on the other hand, you disregard the principle of law, and set at
nought my eloquent remarks, and fetch him in guilty, the silent twitches
of conscience will follow you over every fair cornfield, I reckon; and
my injured and down-trodden client will be apt to light on you one of
these dark nights, _as my cat lights on a sasserful of new milk_."

A DEFINITION IN POLITICAL ECONOMY.

"WILL you never learn, my dear, the difference between real and
exchangeable value?" The question was put to a husband, who had been
lucky enough to be tied up to a political economist in petticoats. "Oh
yes, my dear, I think I begin to see." "Indeed!" responded the lady.
"Yes," replied the husband. "For instance, my dear, I know your deep
learning, and all your other virtues. That's your _real_ value. But I
know, also, that none of my married friends would swap wives with me.
That's your _exchangeable_ value.

COULDN'T UNDERSTAND.

"AH, Pat, Pat," said a schoolmistress to a thick-headed urchin into
whose muddy brain she was attempting to beat the alphabet--"I'm afraid
you'll never learn anything. Now, what's that letter, eh?"

"Sure, and I don't know ma'am," replied Pat.

"Thought you might have remembered that."

"Why, ma'am?"

"Because it has a dot over the top of it."

"Och, ma'am, I mind it well; but sure I thought it was a speck."

"Well, now remember, Pat, it's I."

"You, ma'am?"

"No! no! not U but I."

"Not I, but you, ma'am--how's that?"

"Not U, but I, blockhead!"

"Och, yis, faith; now I have it, ma'am. You mean to say, that not I but
you are a blockhead?"

"Fool! fool!" exclaimed the pedagoguess bursting with rage.

"Just a