"

SIMPLICITY.

THE Bishop of Oxford, having sent round to the churchwardens in his
diocese a circular of inquiries, among which was:--"Does your
officiating clergyman preach the gospel, and is his conversation and
carriage consistent therewith?" The churchwarden near Wallingford
replied:--"He preaches the gospel, but does not keep a carriage."

PATRIOTISM AND LIBERALITY.

A LADY solicitor for the Mount Vernon fund visited one of the schools in
Boston, says the Bee, to collect offerings from the children. On the
dismission of the school, one of the boys went home, and said to his
father--"Papa! General Washington's wife came to our school to-day,
trying to raise some money to buy a graveyard for him where he's buried,
and I want a dime to put into the contribution-box." In an ecstasy of
patriotism the gentleman contributed.

SHERIDAN.

SHERIDAN was one day much annoyed by a fellow-member of the House of
Commons, who kept crying out every few minutes, "Hear! hear!" During the
debate he took occasion to describe a political contemporary that wished
to play rogue, but had only sense enough to act fool. "Where," exclaimed
he, with great emphasis, "where shall we find a more foolish knave or a
more knavish fool than he?" "Hear! hear!" was shouted by the troublesome
member. Sheridan turned round, and, thanking him for the prompt
information, sat down amid a general roar of laughter.

THE WAY TO WIN A KISS.

THE late Mr. Bush used to tell a story of a brother barrister:--As the
coach was about starting, before breakfast, the modest limb of the law
approached the landlady, a pretty Quakeress, who was seated near the
fire, and said he "could not think of going without giving her a kiss."
"Friend," said she, "thee must not do it." "Oh! by heavens, I will!"
replied the barrister. "Well, friend, as thou hast sworn, thee may do
it; but thee must not make a practice of it."

A BUTCHER'S COMPLIMENT.

IN the Bristol market, a lady laying her hand on a joint of veal, said,
"I think, Mr. F., this veal is not quite so white as usual." "Put on
your _glove_, madam," replied the dealer, "and you will think
differently." It may be needless to remark, that the veal was ordered
home without another word of objection.

DRUNKENNESS.

A GENTLEMAN finding his servant intoxicated, said--"What, drunk again,
Sam! I scolded you for being drunk last night, and here you are drunk
again." "No