t avail.

One day he was introduced to a fine old Maori of advanced age. "Did
you ever meet with an Englishman named Jeremiah Thompson?" he asked.

A smile passed over the Maori's face. "Meet him?" he repeated. "Why,
I ate him!"

_No Place Like Home_

A Bostonian died, and when he arrived at St. Peter's gate he was asked
the usual questions:

"What is your name, and where are you from ?"

The answer was, "Mr. So-and-So, from Boston."

"You may come in," said St. Peter, "but I know you won't like it."

_She Felt Bad When Well_

An old lady, really quite well, was always complaining and "enjoying
poor health," as she expressed it. Her various ailments were to her
the most interesting topic in the world. One day a neighbor found her
eating a hearty meal, and asked her how she was.

"Poor me," she sighed, "I feel very well, but I always feel bad when I
feel well, because I know I am going to feel worse afterward."

_Drove Him Mad_

They took him to the sanatorium moaning feebly: "Thirty-nine,
thirty-nine."

"What does he mean by that?" the attendant inquired.

"It's the number of buttons on the back of his wife's new frock," the
family doctor explained.

_Tweedledum or Tweedledee_

Joseph Chamberlain was the guest of honor at a dinner in an important
city. The Mayor presided, and when coffee was being served the Mayor
leaned over and touched Mr. Chamberlain, saying, "Shall we let the
people enjoy themselves a little longer, or had we better have your
speech now?"

_It Was Mary's Own Idea_

"Did you mail my letter, Mary?" asked her mistress. "It was an
important one, you know."

"Yis, mum, indeed I did."

"But why have you brought back the two cents I gave you for the stamp?"

"Sure, I didn't have to use it, mum," replied Mary. "I slipped th'
letther into th' box whin nobody was lukin'."

_He Couldn't Very Well_

A husband was being arraigned in court in a suit brought by his wife
for cruelty.

"I understand, sir," said the Judge, addressing the husband, "that one
of the indignities you have showered upon your wife is that you have
not spoken to her for three years. Is that so?"

"It is, your Honor," quickly answered the husband.

"Well, sir," thundered the judge, "why didn't you speak to her, may I
ask?"

"Simply," replied the husband, "because I didn't want to interrupt
her."

_A Coat That Wouldn't Come Off_

The inspector asked the boys of the s