o--but as it is, I have enemies
in the neighbourhood, you are not there, and I fear they[313] might hold
even that town not to be the legal distance from Italy, nor do you
mention by what day I am to expect you. As to your urging me to remain
alive, you carry one point--that I should not lay violent hands upon
myself: the other you cannot bring to pass--that I should not regret my
policy and my continuance in life. For what is there to attach me to it,
especially if the hope which accompanied me on my departure is
non-existent? I will not attempt to enumerate all the miseries into
which I have fallen through the extreme injustice and unprincipled
conduct, not so much of my enemies, as of those who were jealous of me,
because I do not wish to stir up a fresh burst of grief in myself, or
invite you to share the same sorrow. I say this deliberately--that no
one was ever afflicted with so heavy a calamity, that no one had ever
greater cause to wish for death; while I have let slip the time when I
might have sought it most creditably. Henceforth death can never heal,
it can only end my sorrow.[314] In politics I perceive that you collect
all circumstances that you think may inspire me with a hope of a change:
and though they are insignificant, yet, since you will have it so, let
us have patience. In spite of what you say, you will catch us up if you
make haste. For I will either come into Epirus to be near you, or I will
travel slowly through Candavia.[315] My hesitation about Epirus is not
caused by vacillation on my part, but by the fact that I do not know
where I am likely to see my brother. As to him, I neither know how I am
to see him, nor how I shall let him go. That is the greatest and most
distressing of all my distresses. I would indeed have written to you
oftener, and at greater length, had it not been that sorrow, while it
has affected all parts of my intellect, has above all entirely destroyed
my faculty for this kind of writing. I long to see you. Take care of
your health.

Brundisium, 29 April.

[Footnote 312: He means that had it not been for enemies in Greece and
Epirus, he should not only have gone as far south as Epirus, but
farther--to Athens. There is a good deal to be said for Schutz's
reading, _Achaiam_ for _Athenas_, but as the MS. reading can be
explained, it is safer to keep it.]

[Footnote 313: The Clodian party at Rome. "That town" is Athens.]

[Footnote 314: "I have lost my chance of dying wit