us both, yet the fault is all my own. It was
my duty to have avoided the danger by accepting a legation,[370] or to
resist it by careful management and the resources at my command, or to
fall like a brave man. Nothing was more pitiful, more base, or more
unworthy of myself than the line I actually took. Accordingly, it is
with shame as well as grief that I am overpowered. For I am ashamed of
not having exhibited courage and care to a most excellent wife and most
darling children. I have, day and night, before my eyes the mourning
dresses, the tears of you all, and the weakness of your own health,
while the hope of recall presented to me is slender indeed. Many are
hostile, nearly all jealous. To expel me had been difficult, to keep me
out is easy. However, as long as you entertain any hope, I will not give
way, lest all should seem lost by my fault. As to your anxiety for my
personal safety, that is now the easiest thing in the world for me, for
even my enemies desire me to go on living in this utter wretchedness. I
will, however, do as you bid me. I have thanked the friends you desired
me to thank, and I have delivered the letters to Dexippus, and have
mentioned that you had informed me of their kindness. That our Piso has
shewn surprising zeal and kindness to us I can see for myself, but
everybody also tells me of it. God grant that I may be allowed, along
with you and our children, to enjoy the actual society of such a
son-in-law! For the present our one remaining hope is in the new
tribunes, and that, too, in the first days of their office; if the
matter is allowed to get stale, it is all over with us. It is for that
reason that I have sent Aristocritus back to you at once, in order that
you may be able to write to me on the spot as to the first official
steps taken, and the progress of the whole business; although I have
also given Dexippus orders to hurry back here at once, and I have sent a
message to my brother to despatch letter-carriers frequently. For the
professed object of my being at Dyrrachium at the present juncture is
that I may hear as speedily as possible what is being done; and I am in
no personal danger, for this town has always been defended by me. When I
am told that enemies are on their way here I shall retire into Epirus.
As to your coming to me, as you say you will if I wish it--for my part,
knowing that a large part of this burden is supported by you, I should
like you to remain where you are.