e 331: Reading _defuit_ for _fuit_.]

LXXII (A III, 15)

TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)

THESSALONICA, 17 AUGUST

[Sidenote: B.C. 58, AET. 48]

On the 13th of August I received four letters from you: one in which you
urge me in a tone of reproof to be less weak; a second, in which you say
that Crassus's freedman has told you about my anxiety and leanness; a
third, in which you describe the proceedings in the senate; a fourth on
the subject of Varro's assurances to you as to the friendly feelings of
Pompey.

To the first my answer is this: though I do grieve, yet I keep all my
mental faculties, and it is precisely that which vexes me--I have no
opportunity and no one with whom to employ so sound an intellect. For if
you cannot find yourself separated from one individual like myself
without sorrow, what do you think must be my case, who am deprived both
of you and of everyone else? And if you, while still in possession of
all your rights, miss me, to what an extent do you think those rights
are missed by me? I will not enumerate the things of which I have been
despoiled, not only because you are not ignorant of them, but also lest
I should reopen my own sorrow. I only assert this, that never did anyone
in an unofficial position possess such great advantages, or fall into
such great miseries. Moreover, lapse of time not only does not soften
this grief, it even enhances it. For other sorrows are softened by age,
this one cannot but be daily increased both by my sense of present
misery and the recollection of my past life. For it is not only property
or friends that I miss, but myself. For what am I? But I will not allow
myself either to wring your soul with my complaints, or to place my
hands too often on my wounds. For as to your defence of those whom I
said had been jealous of me, and among them Cato, I indeed think that he
was so far removed from that crime, that I am above all things sorry
that the pretended zeal of others had more influence with me than his
honesty. As for your excuses for the others, they ought to be excused
in my eyes if they are so in yours. But all this is an old story now.
Crassus's freedman, I think, spoke without any real sincerity. In the
senate you say that the debate was satisfactory. But what about Curio?
Hasn't he read that speech? I can't make out how it got into
circulation! But Axius, in describing the proceedings of the same day,
does not speak so highly of Curio.[332] But he may b