e omitting
something; I know you have certainly not written anything except what
actually occurred. Varro's talk gives me some hope of Caesar, and would
that Varro himself would throw himself into the cause! Which he
certainly will do, both of his own accord and under pressure from you.
For myself, if fortune ever grants me the enjoyment of you all and of my
country, I will at least take care that you shall, above all the rest of
my friends, have cause to be glad: and I will so discharge all the
duties of affection and friendship, which (to confess the truth) have
not heretofore been conspicuous, that you shall regard me as restored to
yourself as much as to my brother and my children. If I have in any way
sinned in my conduct to you, or rather since I have done so, pardon me.
For I have sinned more grievously against myself. And I do not write
this to you because I know you not to feel deeply for my misfortune: but
certainly if it had been a matter of _obligation_ with you, and had
always been so, to love me as much as you do and have done, you would
never have allowed me to lack that judgment with which you are so well
supplied,[333] nor would you have allowed me to be persuaded that the
passing of the bill for the "colleges" was to our advantage.[334] But
you did nothing but weep over my sorrow, as though you were my second
self. This was indeed a sign of your affection: but what might have been
done, if I had earned it at your hands--the spending by you of days and
nights in thinking out the course I ought to have pursued--that was
omitted, owing to my own culpable imprudence, not yours. Now if, I don't
say you only, but if there had been anyone to urge me, when alarmed at
Pompey's ungenerous answer,[335] not to adopt that most degrading
course--and you are the person that, above all others, could have done
it--I should either have died honourably, or we should have been living
to-day triumphant. In this you must forgive me. For I find much greater
fault with myself, and only call you in question afterwards, as at once
my second self and the sharer in my error; and, besides, if I am ever
restored, our mistake will seem still less in my eyes, and to you at
least I shall be endeared by your own kindness, since there is none on
my side.[336] There is something in the suggestion you mentioned as
having been made in your conversation with Culleo as to a
_privilegium_,[337] but by far the better course is to have the law
r