jealous?
However, of the new tribunes there is one, it is true, most warmly
attached to me--Sestius--and I hope Curius, Milo, Fadius, Fabricius;
but still there is Clodius in violent opposition, who even when out of
office will be able to stir up the passions of the mob by the help of
that same gang, and then there will be found some one also to veto the
bill.

Such a state of things was not put before me when I was leaving Rome,
but I often used to be told that I was certain to return in three days
with the greatest _eclat_. "What made you go, then?" you will say. What,
indeed! Many circumstances concurred to throw me off my balance--the
defection of Pompey, the hostility of the consuls, and of the praetors
also, the timidity of the _publicani_, the armed bands. The tears of my
friends prevented me seeking refuge in death, which would certainly have
been the best thing for my honour, the best escape from unbearable
sorrows. But I have written to you on this subject in the letter I gave
to Phaetho. Now that you have been plunged into griefs and troubles,
such as no one ever was before, if the compassion of the world can
lighten our common misfortune, you will, it seems, score a success
beyond belief! But if we are both utterly ruined--ah me!--I shall have
been the absolute destruction of my whole family, to whom I used to be
at least no discredit! But pray, as I said in a previous letter to you,
look into the business, test it thoroughly, and write to me with the
candour which our situation demands, and not as your affection for me
would dictate. I shall retain my life as long as I shall think that it
is in your interest for me to do so, or that it ought to be preserved
with a view to future hope. You will find Sestius most friendly to us,
and I believe that Lentulus, the coming consul, will also be so for your
sake. However, deeds are not so easy as words. You will see what is
wanted and what the truth is. On the whole, supposing that no one takes
advantage of your unprotected position and our common calamity, it is by
your means, or not at all, that something may be effected. But even if
your enemies have begun to annoy you, don't flinch: for _you_ will be
attacked by legal process, not by swords. However, I hope that this may
not occur. I beg you to write me back word on all subjects, and to
believe that though I have less spirit and resource than in old times, I
have quite as much affection and loyalty.

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