counthry,
his food is sthrange an' he on'y votes f'r Germans f'r office, or
if he can't get a German, f'r somewan who's again' th' Irish. I
bet ye, if ye was to suddenly ask Schwarzmeister where he is, he'd
say: 'At Hockheimer in Schwabia.' He don't ra-aly know he iver
come to this counthry. I've heerd him talkin' to himsilf. He
always counts in German.

"But I say about Prince Hinnery that f'r a German he's all right
an' I'm glad he come. I hear he wrote home to his brother that
is th' Imp'ror over there: 'Dear Willum: This is a wondherful
counthry, an' they've give me a perfectly killin' rayciption.
I've almost died laughin'. We was met forty miles out at sea be
a band on a raft playin' th' Watch on th' Rhine. We encountered
another band playin' th' same plazin' harmony ivry five miles till
we got up to New York. I wisht I had come over on a man-iv-war.
In th' Bay we was surrounded be a fleet iv tugs carryin' riprisintatives
iv th' press, singin' th' Watch on th' Rhine. I rayceived siveral
offers through a migaphone to write an article about what ye say
in ye'er sleep f'r th' pa-apers, but I declined thim, awaitin'
insthructions fr'm ye. At th' dock we was greeted be a band playin'
th' Watch on th' Rhine an' afther some delay, caused be th'
Delicatessen Sangerbund holdin' us while they sung th' Watch on
th' Rhine, we stepped ashore on a gangplank neatly formed be th'
guv'nor iv th' state holdin' onto th' feet iv th' mayor, him
clutchin' th' iditor iv th' Staats Zeitung an' so on, th' gangplank
singin' th' Watch on th' Rhine as we walked to th' dock.

"'I am much imprissed be New York. I hate it. Th' buildin's are
very high here but th' language is higher. If I was to go home
now, ye wudden't know me. Afther I hear a speech I don't dare to
look in th' glass f'r fear I might be guilty iv treason to ye,
mein lieber. Our illustrious ancesthor, Fridrick th' Great, was
a cheap an' common man compared to me, an' ye, august brother,
niver got by th' barrier. I hope I'll have time to cool down
befure I get home or ye'll have to lock me up.

"'They're givin' me th' fine line iv entertainmint. Ivrywhere I
go, they'se music or something that does as well. I have a musical
insthrument called a catastrophone in me room that plays th' Watch
on th' Rhine whin I go in at night an' get up in th' mornin'.
Whin I go out on th' sthreet, th' crowd cries "Hock th' Kaiser."
I wish they'd stop hockin' ye, dear brother,