om him this expression: "Sir, I thought you
would have been the last man alive to appear against me, as I have
covered so many blunders of yours!"

DOCTOR (to patient)--"You've had a pretty close call. It's only your
strong constitution that pulled you through."

PATIENT--"Well, doctor, remember that when you make out your bill."

A quack doctor was holding forth about his "medicines" to a rural
audience.

"Yes, gentlemen," he said, "I have sold these pills for over
twenty-five years and never heard a word of complaint. Now, what does
that prove?"

From a voice in the crowd came: "That dead men tell no tales."

_See also_ Bills; Remedies.

DOGS

_My Dog_

He wastes no time in idle talk.
His vows of friendship are unspoken.
As in familiar ways we walk,
Our musings by no word are broken.
Or if, perchance, I voice some phrase
(More light and garrulous am I),
He answers with a speaking gaze,
Half-sister to a song or sigh.

Sweet is the silence of a friend
Whose mood so merges with my own,
And sad would be the journey's end
Were I to pass this way alone.
Perhaps the shadows and the dust
Some faint reply would frame for me
Should I demand if Time were just
To merge all waters with the sea.

Thus pondering, a sigh I heave
That thoughts my naked soul should flay.
Yet dreams of death he bids me leave,
And glory in the living day.
Before me in the path he leaps.
He reads my mood, and bids me, "Come!
Sweet Summer's in the wooded deeps!"
And yet men say that he is dumb.

--_Jack Burroughs_.

Frederick was sitting on the curb, crying, when Billy came along and
asked him what was the matter.

"Oh, I feel so bad 'cause Major's dead--my nice old collie!" sobbed
Frederick.

"Shucks!" said Billy. "My grandmother's been dead a week, and you
don't catch me crying."

Frederick gave his eyes and nose a swipe with his hand, and, looking
up at Billy, sobbed, despairingly:

"Yes, but you didn't raise your grandmother from a pup."

_Dogs and their Friends._
_(The Greeting)_

A thousand velvet eyes aglow with thanks,
A thousand tiny paws in welcome waved,
An orchestra of barks and neighs and purrs
Struck up, and maddest gayety betrayed!
Each satin nose will press its owner's hand,
Such happiness and frolic will abound
When Anti-Cruelty meets all its frien