evening, and B---- dashed away at
Vanhall's 47th. B---- came to a bar's rest, the candles were snuffed,
and he thrust the ignited wick into the usual place--_fit fragor_, and
bang went the fiddle to pieces.

DCCXCVIII.--READY-MADE WOOD PAVEMENT.

WHEN the Marylebone vestrymen were discussing the propriety of laying
down wood pavement within their parish, and were raising difficulties on
the subject, Jerrold, as he read the report of the discussion, said:--

"Difficulties in the way! Absurd. They have only to put their heads
together, and there is the wood pavement."

This joke has been erroneously given to Sydney Smith.

DCCXCIX.--PROPER DISTINCTION.

AN undergraduate had unconsciously strayed into the garden of a certain
D.D., then master of the college adjoining. He had not been there many
minutes, when Dr. ---- entered himself, and, perceiving the student, in
no very courteous manner desired the young gentleman to walk out; which
the undergraduate not doing (in the opinion of the doctor) in sufficient
haste, Domine demanded, rather peremptorily, "whether he knew who he
was?" at the same time informing the intruder he was Dr. ----. "That,"
replied the undergraduate, "is impossible; for Dr. ---- is a
_gentleman_, and you are a _blackguard_!"

DCCC.--GRACEFUL EXCUSE.

WILLIAM IV. seemed in a momentary dilemma one day, when, at table with
several officers, he ordered one of the waiters to "take away that
marine there," pointing to an empty bottle. "Your majesty!" inquired a
colonel of marines, "do you compare an empty bottle to a member of our
branch of the service?"--"Yes," replied the monarch, as if a sudden
thought had struck him; "I mean to say it has _done its duty_ once, and
is ready to do it again."

DCCCI.--SLACK PAYMENT.

EXAMINING a country squire who disputed a collier's bill, Curran asked,
"Did he not give you the coals, friend?"--"He did, sir, but--"--"But
what? On your oath, witness, wasn't your payment _slack_?"

DCCCII.--WAY OF USING BOOKS.

STERNE used to say, "The most accomplished way of using books is to
serve them as some people do lords, learn their _titles_ and then _brag_
of their acquaintance."

DCCCIII.--PATRICK HENRY.

WHEN Patrick Henry, who gave the first impulse to the ball of the
American Revolution, introduced his celebrated resolution on the Stamp
Act into the House of Burgesses of Virginia (May, 1765), he exclai