Education:
Self-educated. Entered the gardening and orchard business when a young
man. Was a strong anti-polygamist. Married Eve, a close relative.
Children, Cain and Abel (see them). Was prosperous for some years, but
eventually fell prey to his wife's fruitful ambitions. Lost favor of the
proprietor of the garden, and failed in business. A. started a number of
things which have not been perfected. Diet: Fond of apples. Recreation:
Chess, agriculture. Address: Eden, General Delivery. Clubs: Member of
all exclusive clubs.

(1) Ed. Note: Adam should not be first, but he is given that position
out of respect.

ABEL, son of the above. Spent early days in the Garden of Eden with
his parents, and later traveled with them. Conducted a sheep raising
business. Finally had a row with his brother, and was knocked out in the
first round.

ABRAHAM, a patriarch whose descendants now own New York City,
Jerusalem, vast sections of the remainder of the globe, and control the
pawn-broking, diamond, theatrical, and old clothing markets. Camel and
sheep merchant. Considerable land was willed him. A. prospered. Married
Sarah (last name unknown). Marital infelicity followed, A. having an
affair with Mrs. Abraham's maid. The woman was discharged, and the
family lived happily ever afterward. Ambition: The chosen people.
Recreation: Riding, tennis, camel racing. Address: Caanan. Clubs:
Country.

ABRUSSI, Prince Luigi Amedeo Guiseppe Maria Ferdinando Francesco, of the
Italian nobility. Spent the greater portion of his life taking care
of his name, climbing mountains, fighting Turks, and denying rumors
regarding his marriage.

ACHILLES (first name unknown), a baby whose mother gave him a bath, but
forgot to wash all of his feet. Later was veteran of the siege of Troy.
Died before receiving pension.

AESOP, novelist, nature faker. Little is known of his childhood except
that he was fond of dogs and played with the cat. Later he made animals
his life's study. A. discovered the zoological principal that a turtle
can run faster than a rabbit, and that foxes never eat sour grapes.
Publications: Fables; the book has had a good sale. Address: Greece.
Clubs: Zoological Societies.

ALADDIN, of Somewhere. An ancient who possessed a lamp and a genii with
which he could secure anything an American millionaire or actress can
now purchase.

ALDRICH, Senator N. W., architect of the Aldrich Plan, a system for
removing the financial interests of