ns and was not even a preacher. Edited
a huge book which bears his name.

AURELIUS, Marcus, one of the few Romans who is not remembered for
crossing a river, for being murdered, for murdering somebody, for making
speeches, or building triumphant arches or ruins.

B

BABY, T. H. E., an unscrupulous tyrant, s. father and mother. His first
appearance caused heaven at home, and an idiotic father. Education:
At home. Career: A series of adventures. Was frequently ill, a poor
sleeper, toy demolisher, throat exerciser, nurse distractor, and a
general nuisance. Despite his shortcomings he ruled Home with an
iron hand--a tear caused a doctor--a smile meant a gold mine. Diet:
Principally liquid. Ambition: The moon. Recreation: Coaching, hair
pulling, a proud father. Address: See Mother.

BACCHUS, patron saint of most men, benefactor, a jolly good fellow, and
the founder of the "morning after" feeling. Studied vine raising when a
young man. Discovered that grapes were not intended for a food. Invented
the greatest pleasure and pain giver the world has ever seen. Became
a traveler. Introduced ale and stout in England, whiskey in Scotland,
everything in Ireland, cocktails and patent medicines in the United
States, beer in Germany, champagne in France, absinthe in France,
and vodka in Russia. Career: Magnificent. Recreation: Paris. Address:
Greece. Clubs: All, except W. C. T. U. Epitaph: He Will Live In The
Throats Of His Countrymen.

BACON, Francis, either wrote or did not write Shakespeare.

BAEDEKER, Karl, one of the most versatile men who ever lived. Childhood
and old age unknown. Formed an ambition to travel when quite young.
First visited Switzerland, where he climbed every peak, walked every
path, hired every guide, and did everything a tourist should so. His
field of travel widened until every country in Europe was visited, as
well as the United States, Canada, Alaska, and Mexico. In these lands
he slept in every hotel, ate every dish in every restaurant, drank every
wine, rode on every boat, tramway, subway, and train; visited every
ruin, museum, art gallery, church, store; mastered every language,
science, art, literature, custom, history, and drew maps and plans
of everything. Publications: Baedekers. Recreation: Staying at home.
Ambition: Tourists. Residence: Germany.

BALFOUR, Arthur James, of England, one time leader of the talking forces
of the House of Commons. Ambition: Opposition seats on both sides of