s had trouble with a son who wishes to leave the
paternal protection. Is fearless except when faced by a hunger strike,
the Pankhurst family, and thoughts of Germany. Patronizes a costly
social organization known as the Royal Family, or a reception committee
for American heiresstocracy, which also dedicates buildings, poses for
stamps, post-cards, motion pictures and raises princesses of Wales for
magazine articles and crowning purposes. B. is a monitor of English
style; wears a monocle, spats, 'i 'at, cane, pipe, awful accent, and
never makes his appearance without a cawld bawth. He detests the word
"egotism." Is a celebrated humorist, seeing through all jokes but
himself. Ambition: 'Ome sweet 'Ome. Recreation: Tea, Week Ends. Address:
Hingland. Clubs: Policemen's, Golf, Jockey, and Suffrage. Epitaph: See
Emperor William Again.

BURNS, Robert, surnamed "Bobby," a Scotch bard who wrote love poems
about his sweetheart. He thus performed two remarkable feats--making
poetry in the Scotch language, and finding a girl in Scotland who was as
beautiful as his lines declare.

BUTTERFLY, Madame, a little Japanese lady whose child has remained the
same size and age for the past eight years.

BYRON, Lord, an Englishman who swam rivers, was wise enough to get away
from the London weather, helped kindle Greek fire, and wrote poems.

C

CAESAR, Julius, school book writer, river crosser, and a great
politician who was not born in Ireland. Entered Roman politics as
the leader of the Gang. Was active in military affairs. Became a fair
general despite his poor service training. Desired to write a book.
Began by taking an army and capturing Europe and England. He did not
waste his time with Scotland or Ireland. C. made a river famous by
crossing it, and finally included Rome in his history of victories.
Became popular with the voters, but had trouble with the Senate. Wrote
books and paid his debts. Was finally attacked by a few vested-interest
senators, and stabbed by a chum. The murderer was caught, but escaped
the gallows. C. was honored with one of the finest funeral orations over
delivered over a corpse. He was also awarded a few triumphant arches.
Publications: Omnes Gallia est divisa in tres parses. Ambition: Rome:
Address: Capitol, Rome. Clubs: Gladiators, Vestal. Was also a member of
the Society for the Protection of Roman Ruins. Epitaph: Veni, Vidi.

CAIN, one of our ancestors of whom we do not brag.

CANNON, Honora