th ambitions, who was wise enough to entrust his affairs to a
brainier man, and was thus made famous (see Girabaldi).

EMERSON, Ralph Waldo, American writer who inspired his readers to
conquer the world. Several have failed. Also advised the practical
theory of hitching your wagon to the stars. Lived before the time of the
taxi.

EPICURUS, an ancient who believed that pain was unpleasant and that
pleasure was good. His descendants live in expensive hotels and eat only
in high-class restaurants. Many suffer with the gout. A popular cat foot
was named in his honor.

ESAU, an ancient who sold his birthright for a mess of breakfast food.

ESTHER, Queen, a beautiful lady who triumphed over the villain of the
book, married the hero, and lived happily ever afterward.

EUCLID, an old Greek who made poor students read his book as far back
as 300 B. C. He discovered the phenomenon that the shortest distance
between two points is a crow's flight, and that two parallel lines
always compete.

EVE, see Mrs. Adam.

EYRE, Jane, an old maid school teacher, who married a rich husband after
the fashion of books.

F

FAGAN, the Hebrew benefactor of Oliver Twist, whose name did not fit his
religion.

FAHRENHEIT, inventor of an instrument which enables a person to
ascertain whether the weather is warm or cold.

FAILURE, T. H. E., a failure. Supposed to have idled away his younger
days. Believed to have dissipated. Said not to have applied himself to
school or business. Found fault with life and everybody, but was never
wrong himself. Unpopular. A great blamer. A lover of revolvers, rivers,
and the poor house. Frequently seen in the under world. Ambition: The
other fellow. Recreation: Too much. Address: All large cities. Clubs:
None. Epitaph: Here Lies A Man Who Never Really Tried.

FALLIERES, Armand, occupied a prominent position in the French
government for seven years. One of the most distinguished of the vast
collection of ex-presidents now scattered over the world.

FALSTAFF, a celebrated drunk.

FASHION, Dame, heart breaker, bank account ruiner, and patron saint of
French shop-keepers. She went about the large stores changing the cut of
ladies' clothes and the shape of their hats. Created some awful
looking things. F. made the poor men work very hard to keep up to her.
Publications: Editor of all Ladies' Magazines. Address: Paris, London,
and New York City. Epitaph: (Would that she had one.)

FAUST, chemist, tr