r time.

"What do I think iv him? Well, sir, I think he's not a fighter but
a fight lover. Did ye iver see wan iv thim young men that always
has a front seat at a scrap so near th' ring that whin th' second
blows th' wather he gets what's left on his shirt front? Well,
that's me frind Willum. He is a pathron iv spoort an' not a spoort.
His ideel is war but he's a practical man. He has a season ticket
to th' matches but he niver will put on the gloves. He's in the
spoortin' goods business an' he usu'lly gets a percintage iv th'
gate receipts. If he sees two nations bellowin' at each other th'
assurances iv their distinguished considheration, he says: 'Boys,
get together. 'Tis a good match. Ye're both afraid. Go in, uncle;
go in, Boer.' He is all around th' ringside, encouragin' both sides.
'Stand up again' him there, Paul; rassle him to th' flure. Good
f'r ye, uncle. A thrifle low, that wan, but all's fair in war.
Defind ye'er indipindance, noble sons iv Teutonic blood. Exercise
ye'er sov'reign rights, me English frinds.' If wan or th' other
begins to weaken th' first bottle through th' ropes is Willum's.
Whin annybody suggests a dhraw, he demands his money back. Nawthin'
but a fight to a finish will do him. If ayether iv th' contestants
is alive in th' ring at th' end, he congratulates him an' asks
him if he heerd that German cheer in th' las' round.

"Oh, he's good. He'll do all right, that German man. In high
di-plomacy, he's what in low di-plomacy wud be called a happy
jollyer. But he knows that if a man's always slappin' ye on th'
back, ye begin to think he's weak; so he first shakes his fist
undher ye'er nose an' thin slaps ye on th' back. Sometimes he
does both at th' same time. An' he's got th' thrue jollyer's way
iv provin' to ye that he's ye'er frind alone an' th' deadly inimy
iv all others. He's got th' Czar iv Rooshya hypnotized, th' King
iv England hugged to a standstill, an' th' Impror iv Chiny in tears.
An' he's made thim all think th' first thing annywan knows, he'll
haul off an' swing on wan iv th' others.

"So, havin' fixed ivrything up in Europe, he cast his eyes on this
counthry, an' says he: 'I think I'll have to dazzle thim furriners
somewhat. They've got a round-headed man f'r prisidint that was
born with spurs on his feet an' had a catridge-belt f'r a rattle,
an' some day his goolash won't agree with him an' he'll call th'
bluff I've been makin' these manny years. What'll