cause the ruin of
families. I would not do anything which in the eye of the world, might
render me culpable. As I was modest at church and had not been used to
go abroad without my mother, as the reputation of our house was great,
I passed for virtuous.

I did not see my spouse elect (at Paris) till two or three days before
our marriage. I caused masses to be said all the time after my being
contracted, to know the will of God. I wished to do it in this affair
at least.

Oh, my God, how great was thy goodness, to bear with me at this time,
and to allow me to pray to Thee with as much boldness, as if I had been
one of thy friends, I who had rebelled against Thee as thy greatest
enemy.

The joy of our nuptials was universal through our village. Amid this
general rejoicing, there appeared none sad but myself. I could neither
laugh as others did, nor even eat; so much was I depressed. I knew not
the cause. It was a foretaste which God gave me of what was to befall
me. The remembrance of the desire I had of being a nun, came pouring
in. All who came to compliment me, the day after, could not forbear
rallying me. I wept bitterly. I answered, "Alas! I had desired so much
to be a nun; why then am I now married? By what fatality has such a
revolution befallen me?" No sooner was I at the house of my new spouse,
than I perceived that it would be for me a house of mourning.

I was obliged to change my conduct. Their manner of living was very
different from that in my father's house. My mother-in-law, who had
long been a widow, regarded nothing else but economy. At my father's
house they lived in a noble manner and great elegance. What my husband
and mother-in-law called pride, and I called politeness, was observed
there. I was very much surprised at this change, and so much the more,
as my vanity wished to increase, rather than to be diminished.

At the time of my marriage I was a little past fifteen years of age. My
surprise increased greatly, when I saw I must lose what I had acquired
with so much application. At my father's house we were obliged to
behave in a genteel way, and to speak with propriety. All that I said
was applauded. Here they never hearkened to me, but to contradict and
find fault. If I spoke well, they said it was to give them a lesson. If
any questions were started at my father's, he encouraged me to speak
freely. Here, if I spoke my sentiments, they said it was to enter into
a dispute. They put me to sil