nflammation in my eyes, he bled me several times; but it was too late.
And those bleedings which would have been so proper at first, did
nothing but weaken me now. They could not even bleed me in the
condition I was in but with the greatest difficulty. My arms were so
swelled that the surgeon was obliged to push in the lance to a great
depth. Moreover, the bleeding being out of season had liked to have
caused my death. This, I confess, would have been very agreeable to me.
I looked upon death as the greatest blessing for me. Yet I saw well I
had nothing to hope in that side; and that, instead of meeting with so
desirable an event, I must prepare myself to support the trials of
life.

After my eldest son was better, he got up and came into my room. I was
surprised at the extraordinary change I saw in him. His face, lately so
fair and beautiful, was become like a coarse spot of earth, all full of
furrows. That gave me the curiosity to view myself. I felt shocked, for
I saw that God had ordered the sacrifice in all its reality.

Some things fell out by the contrariety of my mother-in-law that caused
me severe crosses. They put the finishing stroke to my son's face.
However, my heart was firm in God, and strengthened itself by the
number and greatness of my sufferings. I was as a victim incessantly
offered upon the altar, to HIM who first sacrificed Himself for love.
"What shall I render to the Lord, for all his benefits toward me? I
will take the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the Lord."
These words, I can truly say, O my God, have been the delight of my
heart, and have had their effect on me, through my whole life; for I
have been continually heaped with thy blessings and thy cross. My
principal attraction, besides that of suffering for Thee, has been to
yield myself up without resistance, interiorly and exteriorly, to all
Thy divine disposals. These gifts which I was favored with from the
beginning, have continued and increased until now Thou hast Thyself
guided my continual crosses, and led me through paths impenetrable to
all but thee.

They sent me pomatums to recover my complexion, and to fill up the
hollows of the smallpox. I had seen wonderful effects from it upon
others, and therefore at first had a mind to try them. But, jealous of
God's work, I would not suffer it. There was a voice in my heart which
said, "If I would have had thee fair, I would have left thee as thou
wert." I was therefore oblig