an unutterable loss.

Lest I should let my mind go after these gifts, and steal myself from
thy love, O my God, Thou wast pleased to fix me in a continual
adherence to Thyself alone. Souls thus directed get the shortest way.
They are to expect great sufferings, especially if they are mighty in
faith, in mortification and deadness to all but God. A pure and
disinterested love, and intenseness of mind for the advancement of thy
interest alone. These are the dispositions Thou didst implant in me,
and even a fervent desire of suffering for Thee. The cross, which I had
hitherto borne only with resignation, was become my delight, and the
special object of my rejoicing.

CHAPTER 10

I wrote an account of my wonderful change, in point of happiness, to
that good father who had been made the instrument of it. It filled him
both with joy and astonishment.

O my God, what penances did the love of suffering induce me to undergo!
I was impelled to deprive myself of the most innocent indulgences. All
that could gratify my taste was denied and I took everything that could
mortify and disgust it. My appetite, which had been extremely delicate,
was so far conquered that I could scarcely prefer one thing to another.

I dressed loathsome sores and wounds, and gave remedies to the sick.
When I first engaged in this sort of employment, it was with the
greatest difficulty I was able to bear it. As soon as my aversion
ceased, and I could stand the most offensive things, other channels of
employment were opened to me. For I did nothing of myself, but left
myself to be wholly governed by my Sovereign.

When that good father asked me how I loved God, I answered, "Far more
than the most passionate lover his beloved; and that even this
comparison was inadequate, since the love of the creature never can
attain to this, either in strength or in depth." This love of God
occupied my heart so constantly and so strongly, that I could think of
nothing else. Indeed, I judged nothing else worthy of my thoughts.

The good father mentioned was an excellent preacher. He was desired to
preach in the parish to which I belonged. When I came, I was so
strongly absorbed in God, that I could neither open my eyes, nor hear
anything he said.

I found that Thy Word, O my God, made its own impression on my heart,
and there had its effect, without the mediation of words or any
attention to them. And I have found it so ever since, but after a
different