t use of my
natural pride, to keep me within the limits of my duty. I knew that a
woman of honor ought never to give suspicion to her husband. I was so
very circumspect that I often carried it to excess, so far as to refuse
my hand to such as in politeness offered me theirs. There happened to
me an adventure which, by carrying my prudence too far, might have
ruined me, for things were taken contrary to their intent. My husband
was sensible both of my innocence and of the falsehood of the
insinuations of my mother-in-law.

Such weighty crosses made me return to God. I began to deplore the sins
of my youth. Since my marriage I had not committed any voluntarily. Yet
I still had some sentiments of vanity remaining, which I did not wish.
However, my troubles now counter-balanced them. Moreover, many of them
appeared my just dessert according to the little light I then had. I
was not illuminated to penetrate the essence of my vanity; I fixed my
thoughts only on its appearance. I tried to amend my life by penance,
and by a general confession, the most exact that I ever yet had made. I
laid aside the reading of romances, for which I lately had such a
fondness. Though some time before my marriage that had been dampened by
reading the Gospel, I was so much affected therewith, and discovered
truth therein, that put me out of patience with all the other books.
Novels appeared then to me only full of lies and deceit. I now put away
even indifferent books, to have none but such as were profitable. I
resumed the practice of prayer, and endeavored to offend God no more. I
felt His love gradually recovering the ascendant in my heart, and
banishing every other. Yet I had still an intolerable vanity and
self-complacency, which has been my most grievous and obstinate sin.

My crosses redoubled. What rendered them more painful was, that my
mother-in-law, not content with the bitterest speeches which she
uttered against me, both in public and private, would break out in
anger about the smallest trifles, and scarcely be pacified for a
fortnight. I used a part of my time in bewailing myself when I could be
alone; and my grief became every day more bitter. Sometimes I could not
contain myself, when the girls, my domestics, who owed me submission,
treated me ill. I did what I could to subdue my temper which has cost
me not a little.

Such stunning blows so impaired the vivacity of my nature, that I
became like a lamb that is shorn. I prayed t