rom seeing Mother Granger. He violently stirred up my
husband and mother-in-law to hinder me from praying. The method they
took was to watch me from morning until night. I dared not go out from
my mother-in-law's room, or from my husband's bedside. Sometimes I
carried my work to the window, under a pretense of seeing better, in
order to relieve myself with some moment's repose. They came to watch
me very closely, to see if I did not pray instead of working. When my
husband and mother-in-law played cards, if I did turn toward the fire,
they watched to see if I continued my work or shut my eyes. If they
observed I closed them, they would be in a fury against me for several
hours. What is most strange, when my husband went out, having some days
of health, he would not allow me to pray in his absence. He marked my
work, and sometimes, after he was just gone out, returning immediately,
if he found me in prayer he would be in a rage. In vain I said,
"Surely, sir, what matters it what I do when you are absent, if I be
assiduous in attending you when you are present?" That would not
satisfy him; he insisted that I should no more pray in his absence than
in his presence.

I believe there is hardly a torment equal to that of being ardently
drawn to retirement, and not having it in one's power to be retired.

O my God, the war they raised to hinder me from loving Thee did but
augment my love. While they were striving to prevent my addresses to
Thee, thou drewest me into an inexpressible silence. The more they
labored to separate me from Thee, the more closely didst Thou unite me
to Thyself. The flame of Thy love was kindled, and kept up by
everything that was done to extinguish it.

Often through compliance I played at piquet with my husband. At such
times I was even more interiorly attracted than if I had been at
church. I was scarce able to contain the fire which burned in my soul,
which had all the fervor of what men call love, but nothing of its
impetuosity. The more ardent, the more peaceable it was. This fire
gained strength from everything that was done to suppress it. And the
spirit of prayer was nourished and increased from their contrivances
and endeavors to disallow me any time for practicing it. I loved
without considering a motive or reason for loving. Nothing passed in my
head, but much in the innermost recesses of my soul. I thought not
about any recompense, gift, or favor, which He could bestow or I
receive. The