ls patience, yet I had
neither a relish nor love for the cross. Their conduct toward me, which
appeared so unreasonable, should not be looked upon with worldly eyes.
We should look higher and then we shall see that it was directed by
Providence for my eternal advantage.

I now dressed my hair in the most modest manner, never painted, and to
subdue the vanity which still had possession of me, I rarely looked in
the glass. My reading was confined to books of devotion, such as Thomas
a'Kempis, and the works of St. Francis de Sales. I read these aloud for
the improvement of the servants, while the maid was dressing my hair. I
suffered myself to be dressed just as she pleased, which freed me from
a great deal of trouble. It took away the occasions wherein my vanity
used to be exercised. I knew not how things were; but they always liked
me, and thought all well in point of dress. If on some particular days
I wanted to appear better, it proved worse. The more indifferent I was
about dress the better I appeared. How often have I gone to church, not
so much to worship God as to be seen. Other women, jealous of me,
affirmed that I painted; they told my confessor, who chided me for it,
though I assured him I was innocent. I often spoke in my own praise,
and sought to raise myself by depreciating others. Yet these faults
gradually deceased; for I was very sorry afterward for having committed
them. I often examined myself very strictly, writing down my faults
from week to week, and from month to month, to see how much I was
improved or reformed. Alas! this labor, though fatiguing, was of but
little service, because I trusted in my own efforts. I wished indeed to
be reformed, but my good desires were weak and languid.

At one time my husband's absence was so long, and in the meantime my
crosses and vexations at home so great, that I determined to go to him.
My mother-in-law strongly opposed it. This once my father interfering,
and insisting on it, she let me go. On my arrival I found he had almost
died. Through vexation and fretting he was very much changed. He could
not finish his affairs, having no liberty in attending to them, keeping
himself concealed at the Hotel de Longueville, where Madame de
Longueville was extremely kind to me. I came publicly, and he was in
great fear lest I should make him known. In a rage he bid me return
home. Love and my long absence from him surmounting every other reason,
he soon relented and suffere