there was no hope. I no sooner began to
recover, than notwithstanding all his love, his usual fretfulness
returned. I recovered almost miraculously and to me this disorder
proved a great blessing. Beside a very great patience under violent
pains, it served to instruct me much in my view of the emptiness of all
worldly things. It detached me from myself and gave me new courage to
suffer better than I had done. The love of God gathered strength in my
heart, with a desire to please and be faithful to Him in my condition.
I reaped several other advantages from it which I need not relate, I
had yet six months to drag along with a slow fever. It was thought that
it would terminate in death.

Thy time, O my God, had not yet arrived for taking me to Thyself. Thy
designs over me were widely different from the expectations of those
about me; it being Thy determination to make me both the object of Thy
mercy and the victim of Thy justice.

CHAPTER 8

After long languishing, at length I regained my former health. About
this time my dear mother departed this life in great tranquility of
mind. Beside her other good qualities, she had been particularly
charitable to the poor. This virtue, so acceptable to God, He was
graciously pleased to commence rewarding even in this life. Though she
was but twenty-four hours sick, she was made perfectly easy about
everything that was near and dear to her in this world.

I now applied myself to my duties, never failing to practice that of
prayer twice a day. I watched over myself, to subdue my spirit
continually. I went to visit the poor in their houses, assisting them
in their distresses. I did (according to my understanding) all the good
I knew.

Thou, O my God, increased both my love and my patience, in proportion
to my sufferings. I regretted not the temporal advantages with which my
mother distinguished my brother above me. Yet they fell on me about
that, as about everything else. I also had for some time a severe ague.
I did not indeed serve Thee yet with that fervor which Thou didst give
me soon after. For I would still have been glad to reconcile Thy love
with the love of myself and of the creature. Unhappily I always found
some who loved me, and whom I could not forbear wishing to please. It
was not that I loved them, but it was for the love that I bore to
myself.

A lady, an exile, came to my father's house. He offered her an
apartment which she accepted, and she stayed a