that beauty with
which God had formed me, to bless and praise Him. However it was
perverted by me into a source of pride and vanity. Several suitors came
to me; but as I was not yet twelve years my father would not listen to
any proposals. I loved reading and shut myself up alone every day to
read without interruption.

What proved effectual to gain me entirely to God, at least for a time,
was that a nephew of my father's passed by our home on a mission to
Cochin China. I happened at that time to be taking a walk with my
companions, which I seldom did. At my return he was gone. They gave me
an account of his sanctity, and the things he had said, I was so
touched that I was overcome with sorrow. I cried all the rest of the
day and night. Early in the morning I went in great distress to seek my
confessor. I said to him, "What! my father, am I the only person in our
family to be lost? Alas; help me in my salvation." He was greatly
surprised to see me so much afflicted, and comforted me in the best
manner he could, not thinking me so bad as I was. In my backslidings I
was docile, punctual in obedience, careful to confess often. Since I
went to him my life was more regular.

Oh, thou God of love, how often hast Thou knocked at the door of my
heart! How often terrified me with appearances of sudden death! All
these only made a transient impression. I presently returned again to
my infidelities. This time thou didst take and quite carried off my
heart. Alas, what grief I now sustained for having displeased Thee!
what regrets, what exclamations, what sobbings! Who would have thought,
to see me, but that my conversion would have lasted as long as my life?
Why didst thou not, O my God, utterly take this heart to thyself, when
I gave it to Thee so fully. Or, if Thou didst take it then, oh, why
didst Thou let it revolt again? Thou wast surely strong enough to hold
it, but Thou wouldst perhaps, in leaving me to myself, display thy
mercy that the depth of my iniquity might serve as a trophy to thy
goodness.

I immediately applied myself to every part of my duty. I made a general
confession with great compunction of heart. I frankly confessed all
that I knew with many tears. I became so changed that I was scarcely
known. I would not for ever so much made the least voluntary slip. They
found not any matter for absolution when I confessed. I discovered the
very smallest faults and God did me the favor to enable me to conquer
myself