e, mild-eyed
clergyman gazing sadly at him.

"Oh, my brother," groaned the reverend gentleman, "wouldst thou rob me?
Turn, I beseech thee--turn from thy evil ways. Return those stolen goods
and depart in peace, for I am merciful and forgive. Begone!"

And the burglar, only too thankful at not being given into custody of
the police, obeyed and slunk swiftly off.

Then the good old man carefully and quietly packed the swag into another
bag and walked softly (so as not to disturb the slumber of the inmates)
out of the house and away into the silent night.

BUSINESS

A Boston lawyer, who brought his wit from his native Dublin, while
cross-examining the plaintiff in a divorce trial, brought forth the
following:

"You wish to divorce this woman because she drinks?"

"Yes, sir."

"Do you drink yourself?"

"That's _my_ business!" angrily.

Whereupon the unmoved lawyer asked: "Have you any other business?"

At the Boston Immigration Station one blank was recently filled out as
follows:

Name--Abraham Cherkowsky.
Born--Yes.
Business--Rotten.

BUSINESS ENTERPRISE

It happened in Topeka. Three clothing stores were on the same block. One
morning the middle proprietor saw to the right of him a big
sign--"Bankrupt Sale," and to the left--"Closing Out at Cost." Twenty
minutes later there appeared over his own door, in larger letters, "Main
Entrance."

In a section of Washington where there are a number of hotels and cheap
restaurants, one enterprising concern has displayed in great illuminated
letters, "Open All Night." Next to it was a restaurant bearing with
equal prominence the legend:

"We Never Close."

Third in order was a Chinese laundry in a little, low-framed, tumbledown
hovel, and upon the front of this building was the sign, in great,
scrawling letters:

"Me wakee, too."

A boy looking for something to do saw the sign "Boy Wanted" hanging
outside of a store in New York. He picked up the sign and entered the
store.

The proprietor met him. "What did you bring that sign in here for?"
asked the storekeeper.

"You won't need it any more," said the boy cheerfully. "I'm going to
take the job."

A Chinaman found his wife lying dead in a field one morning; a tiger had
killed her.

The Chinaman went home, procured some arsenic, and, returning to the
field, sprinkled it over the corpse.

The next day the tiger's dead body lay beside the woman's. The Chinaman
sold the tiger'