p his position directly behind her.

"See here," she exclaimed, wheeling angrily, "if you don't go away at
once I shall call a policeman!"

The unfortunate man looked up at her appealingly.

"For Heaven's sake, kind lady, have mercy an' don't call a policeman;
ye're the only shady spot in the whole park."

A jolly steamboat captain with more girth than height was asked if he
had ever had any very narrow escapes.

"Yes," he replied, his eyes twinkling; "once I fell off my boat at the
mouth of Bear Creek, and, although I'm an expert swimmer, I guess I'd be
there now if it hadn't been for my crew. You see the water was just deep
enough so's to be over my head when I tried to wade out, and just
shallow enough"--he gave his body an explanatory pat--"so that whenever
I tried to swim out I dragged bottom."

A very large lady entered a street car and a young man near the door
rose and said: "I will be one of three to give the lady a seat."

To our Fat Friends: May their shadows never grow less.

_See also_ Dancing.

COSMOPOLITANISM

Secretary of State Lazansky refused to incorporate the Hell Cafe of New
York.

"New York's cafes are singular enough," said Mr. Lazansky, "without the
addition of such a queerly named institution as the Hell."

He smiled and added:

"Is there anything quite so queerly cosmopolitan as a New York cafe? In
the last one I visited, I saw a Portuguese, a German and an Italian,
dressed in English clothes and seated at a table of Spanish walnut,
lunching on Russian caviar, French rolls, Scotch salmon, Welsh rabbit,
Swiss cheese, Dutch cake and Malaga raisins. They drank China tea and
Irish whisky."

COST OF LIVING

"Did you punish our son for throwing a lump of coal at Willie Smiggs?"
asked the careful mother.

"I did," replied the busy father. "I don't care so much for the Smiggs
boy, but I can't have anybody in this family throwing coal around like
that."

"Live within your income," was a maxim uttered by Mr. Carnegie on his
seventy-sixth birthday. This is easy; the difficulty is to live without
it.--_Satire_.

"You say your jewels were stolen while the family was at dinner?"

"No, no! This is an important robbery. Our dinner was stolen while we
were putting on our jewels."

A grouchy butcher, who had watched the price of porterhouse steak climb
the ladder of fame, was deep in the throes of an unusually bad grouch
when a would-be customer, eight yea