legs?"

"No, my dear; my husband's legs. He heard the noise, too."

MRS. PECK--"Henry, what would you do if burglars broke into our house
some night?"

MR. PECK (_valiantly_)--"Humph! I should keep perfectly cool, my dear."

And when, a few nights later, burglars _did_ break in, Henry kept his
promise: he hid in the ice-box.

Johnny hasn't been to school long, but he already holds some peculiar
views regarding the administration of his particular room.

The other day he came home with a singularly morose look on his usually
smiling face.

"Why, Johnny," said his mother, "what's the matter?"

"I ain't going to that old school no more," he fiercely announced.

"Why, Johnny," said his mother reproachfully, "you mustn't talk like
that. What's wrong with the school?"

"I ain't goin' there no more," Johnny replied; "an" it's because all th'
boys in my room is blamed old cowards!"

"Why, Johnny, Johnny!"

"Yes, they are. There was a boy whisperin' this mornin', an' teacher saw
him an' bumped his head on th' desk ever an' ever so many times. An'
those big cowards sat there an' didn't say quit nor nothin'. They let
that old teacher bang th' head off th' poor little boy, an' they just
sat there an' seen her do it!"

"And what did you do, Johnny?"

"I didn't do nothin'--I was the boy!"--_Cleveland Plain Dealer_.

A negro came running down the lane as though the Old Boy were after him.

"What are you running for, Mose?" called the colonel from the barn.

"I ain't a-runnin' fo'," shouted back Mose. "I'se a-runnin' from!"

COWS

Little Willie, being a city boy, had never seen a cow. While on a visit
to his grandmother he walked out across the fields with his cousin John.
A cow was grazing there, and Willie's curiosity was greatly excited.

"Oh, Cousin John, what is that?" he asked.

"Why, that is only a cow," John replied.

"And what are those things on her head?"

"Horns," answered John.

Before they had gone far the cow mooed long and loud.

Willie was astounded. Looking back, he demanded, in a very fever of
interest:

"Which horn did she blow?"

There was an old man who said, "How
Shall I flee from this horrible cow?
I will sit on this stile
And continue to smile,
Which may soften the heart of that cow."

CRITICISM

FIRST MUSIC CRITIC--"I wasted a whole evening by going to that new
pianist's concert last night!"

SECOND MUSIC CRITIC--"Why?"

FIRS