replied the younger
brother, "If I join the church who'll weigh the coal?"

COEDUCATION

The speaker was waxing eloquent, and after his peroration on woman's
rights he said: "When they take our girls, as they threaten, away from
the coeducational colleges, what will follow? What will follow, I
repeat?"

And a loud, masculine voice in the audience replied: "I will!"

COFFEE

Among the coffee-drinkers a high place must be given to Bismarck. He
liked coffee unadulterated. While with the Prussian Army in France he
one day entered a country inn and asked the host if he had any chicory
in the house. He had. Bismarck said--"Well, bring it to me; all you
have." The man obeyed and handed Bismarck a canister full of chicory.
"Are you sure this is all you have?" demanded the Chancellor. "Yes, my
lord, every grain." "Then," said Bismarck, keeping the canister by him,
"go now and make me a pot of coffee."

COINS

He had just returned from Paris and said to his old aunt in the country:
"Here, Aunt, is a silver franc piece I brought you from Paris as a
souvenir."

"Thanks, Herman," said the old lady. "I wish you'd thought to have
brought me home one of them Latin quarters I read so much about."

COLLECTING OF ACCOUNTS

An enterprising firm advertised: "All persons indebted to our store are
requested to call and settle. All those indebted to our store and not
knowing it are requested to call and find out. Those knowing themselves
indebted and not wishing to call, are requested to stay in one place
long enough for us to catch them."

"Sir," said the haughty American to his adhesive tailor, "I object to
this boorish dunning. I would have you know that my great-great-grandfather
was one of the early settlers."

"And yet," sighed the anxious tradesman, "there are people who believe
in heredity."

A retail dealer in buggies doing business in one of the large towns in
northern Indiana wrote to a firm in the east ordering a carload of
buggies. The firm wired him:

"Cannot ship buggies until you pay for your last consignment."

"Unable to wait so long," wired back the buggy dealer, "cancel order."

The saddest words of tongue or pen
May be perhaps, "It might have been,"
The sweetest words we know, by heck,
Are only these "Enclosed find check!"

--_Minne-Ha-Ha_.

COLLECTORS AND COLLECTING

Sir Walter Raleigh had called to take a cup of tea with Queen Elizabet