that I should--that I should
pass the freshman examination for--admission!" sighed the president.

COMMON SENSE

A mysterious building had been erected on the outskirts of a small town.
It was shrouded in mystery. All that was known about it was that it was
a chemical laboratory. An old farmer, driving past the place after work
had been started, and seeing a man in the doorway, called to him:

"What be ye doin' in this place?"

"We are searching for a universal solvent--something that will dissolve
all things," said the chemist.

"What good will thet be?"

"Imagine, sir! It will dissolve all things. If we want a solution of
iron, glass, gold--anything, all that we have to do is to drop it in
this solution."

"Fine," said the farmer, "fine! What be ye goin' to keep it in?"

COMMUTERS

BRIGGS--"Is it true that you have broken off your engagement to that
girl who lives in the suburbs?"

GRIGGS--"Yes; they raised the commutation rates on me and I have
transferred to a town girl."

"I see you carrying home a new kind of breakfast food," remarked the
first commuter.

"Yes," said the second commuter, "I was missing too many trains. The old
brand required three seconds to prepare. You can fix this new brand in a
second and a half."

After the sermon on Sunday morning the rector welcomed and shook hands
with a young German.

"And are you a regular communicant?" said the rector. "Yes," said the
German: "I take the 7:45 every morning."--_M.L. Hayward_.

A suburban train was slowly working its way through one of the blizzards
of 1894. Finally it came to a dead stop and all efforts to start it
again were futile.

In the wee, small hours of the morning a weary commuter, numb from the
cold and the cramped position in which he had tried to sleep, crawled
out of the train and floundered through the heavy snow-drifts to the
nearest telegraph station. This is the message he handed to the
operator:

"Will not be at office to-day. Not home yesterday yet."

A nervous commuter on his dark, lonely way home from the railroad
station heard footsteps behind him. He had an uncomfortable feeling that
he was being followed. He increased his speed. The footsteps quickened
accordingly. The commuter darted down a lane. The footsteps still
pursued him. In desperation he vaulted over a fence and, rushing into a
churchyard, threw himself panting on one of the graves.

"If he follows me here," he thought fe