the
waiter: "Give me a ham sandwich."

"Yes, sir," said the waiter, reaching for the sandwich; "will you eat it
or take it with you?"

"Both," was the unexpected but obvious reply.

CHOIRS

_See_ Singers.

CHRISTIAN SCIENTISTS

While waiting for the speaker at a public meeting a pale little man in
the audience seemed very nervous. He glanced over his shoulder from time
to time and squirmed and shifted about in his seat. At last, unable to
stand it longer, he arose and demanded, in a high, penetrating voice,
"Is there a Christian Scientist in this room?"

A woman at the other side of the hall got up and said, "I am a Christian
Scientist."

"Well, then, madam," requested the little man, "would you mind changing
seats with me? I'm sitting in a draft."

CHRISTIANS

At a dinner, when the gentlemen retired to the smoking room and one of
the guests, a Japanese, remained with the ladies, one asked him:

"Aren't you going to join the gentlemen, Mr. Nagasaki?"

"No. I do not smoke, I do not swear, I do not drink. But then, I am not
a Christian."

A traveler who believed himself to be sole survivor of a shipwreck upon
a cannibal isle hid for three days, in terror of his life. Driven out by
hunger, he discovered a thin wisp of smoke rising from a clump of bushes
inland, and crawled carefully to study the type of savages about it.
Just as he reached the clump he heard a voice say: "Why in hell did you
play that card?" He dropped on his knees and, devoutly raising his
hands, cried:

"Thank God they are Christians!"

CHRISTMAS GIFTS

"As you don't seem to know what you'd like for Christmas, Freddie," said
his mother, "here's a printed list of presents for a good little boy."

Freddie read over the list, and then said:

"Mother, haven't you a list for a bad little boy?"

'Twas the month after Christmas,
And Santa had flit;
Came there tidings for father
Which read: "Please remit!"

--_R.L.F_.

Little six-year-old Harry was asked by his Sunday-school teacher:

"And, Harry, what are you going to give your darling little brother for
Christmas this year?"

"I dunno," said Harry; "I gave him the measles last year."

For little children everywhere
A joyous season still we make;
We bring our precious gifts to them,
Even for the dear child Jesus' sake.

--_Phebe Cary_.

I will, if you will,
devote my Christmas giving to the children an