ein' 'lected to anything for what they wasn't a candidate. Has
you, sah?"

A political office in a small town was vacant. The office paid $250 a
year and there was keen competition for it. One of the candidates,
Ezekiel Hicks, was a shrewd old fellow, and a neat campaign fund was
turned over to him. To the astonishment of all, however, he was
defeated.

"I can't account for it," said one of the leaders of Hicks' party,
gloomily.

"With that money we should have won. How did you lay it out, Ezekiel."

"Well," said Ezekiel, slowly pulling his whiskers, "yer see that office
only pays $250 a year salary, an' I didn't see no sense in paying $900
out to get the office, so I bought a little truck farm instead."

The little daughter of a Democratic candidate for a local office in
Saratoga County, New York, when told that her father had got the
nomination, cried out, "Oh, mama, do they ever die of it?"

"I am willing," said the candidate, after he had hit the table a
terrible blow with his fist, "to trust the people."

"Gee!" yelled a little man in the audience. "I wish you'd open a
grocery."

"Now, Mr. Blank," said a temperance advocate to a candidate for
municipal honors, "I want to ask you a question. Do you ever take
alcoholic drinks?"

"Before I answer the question," responded the wary candidate,

"I want to know whether it is put as an inquiry or as an invitation!"

_See also_ Politicians.

CANNING AND PRESERVING

A canner, exceedingly canny,
One morning remarked to his granny,
"A canner can can
Anything that he can;
But a canner can't can a can, can he?"

--Carolyn Wells.

CAPITALISTS

Of the late Bishop Charles G. Grafton a Fond du Lac man said: "Bishop
Grafton was remarkable for the neatness and point of his pulpit
utterances. Once, during a disastrous strike, a capitalist of Fond du
Lac arose in a church meeting and asked leave to speak. The bishop gave
him the floor, and the man delivered himself of a long panegyric upon
captains of industry, upon the good they do by giving men work, by
booming the country, by reducing the cost of production, and so forth.
When the capitalist had finished his self-praise and, flushed and
satisfied, had sat down again, Bishop Grafton rose and said with quiet
significance: 'Is there any other sinner that would like to say a
word?'"

CAREFULNESS

Michael Dugan, a journeyman plumber, was sent by his employer to t