ler finally got one of his plays on the boards."

"Yes, the property man tore up his manuscript and used it in the snow
storm scene."

"So you think the author of this play will live, do you?" remarked the
tourist.

"Yes," replied the manager of the Frozen Dog Opera House. "He's got a
five-mile start and I don't think the boys kin ketch him."--_Life_.

We all know the troubles of a dramatist are many and varied.

Here's an advertisement taken from a morning paper that shows to what a
pass a genius may come in a great city:

"Wanted--A collaborator, by a young playwright. The play is already
written; collaborator to furnish board and bed until play is produced."

DRESSMAKERS

WIFE--"Wretch! Show me that letter."

HUSBAND--"What letter?"

WIFE--"That one in your hand. It's from a woman, I can see by the
writing, and you turned pale when you saw it."

HUSBAND--"Yes. Here it is. It's your dressmaker's bill."

DRINKING

He who goes to bed, and goes to bed sober,
Falls as the leaves do, and dies in October;
But he who goes to bed, and does so mellow,
Lives as he ought to, and dies a good fellow.

--_Parody on Fletcher_.

I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no
occasion.--_Cervantes_.

I have very poor and unhappy brains for drinking. I could wish courtesy
would invent some other custom of entertainment.--_Shakespeare_.

The Frenchman loves his native wine;
The German loves his beer;
The Englishman loves his 'alf and 'alf,
Because it brings good cheer;
The Irishman loves his "whiskey straight,"
Because it gives him dizziness;
The American has no choice at all,
So he drinks the whole blamed business.

A young Englishman came to Washington and devoted his days and nights to
an earnest endeavor to drink all the Scotch whiskey there was. He
couldn't do it, and presently went to a doctor, complaining of a
disordered stomach.

"Quit drinking!" ordered the doctor.

"But, my dear sir, I cawn't. I get so thirsty."

"Well," said the doctor, "whenever you are thirsty eat an apple instead
of taking a drink."

The Englishman paid his fee and left. He met a friend to whom he told
his experience.

"Bally rot!" he protested. "Fawncy eating forty apples a day!"

If you are invited to drink at any man's house more than you think is
wholesome, you may say "you wish you could, but so little makes you both
drunk and sick; that you