officer angrily.

"Why, sir," said the private, "after rubbin' him and scrubbin' him till
our arms ached I'll be hanged if we didn't come to another suit of
clothes."

BAZARS

Once upon a time a deacon who did not favor church bazars was going
along a dark street when a footpad suddenly appeared, and, pointing his
pistol, began to relieve his victim of his money.

The thief, however, apparently suffered some pangs of remorse. "It's
pretty rough to be gone through like this, ain't it, sir?" he inquired.

"Oh, that's all right, my man," the "held-up" one answered cheerfully.
"I was on my way to a bazar. You're first, and there's an end of it."

BEARDS

There was an old man with a beard,
Who said, "It is just as I feared!--
Two owls and a hen,
Four larks and a wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard."

BEAUTY

If eyes were made for seeing,
Then beauty is its own excuse for being.

--Emerson.

A thing of beauty is a joy forever;
Its loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness; but still will keep
A bower quiet for us, and a sleep
Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.

BEAUTY, PERSONAL

In good looks I am not a star.
There are others more lovely by far.
But my face--I don't mind it,
Because I'm behind it--
It's the people in front that I jar.

"Shine yer boots, sir?"

"No," snapped the man.

"Shine 'em so's yer can see yer face in 'em?" urged the bootblack.

"No, I tell you!"

"Coward," hissed the bootblack.

A farmer returning home late at night, found a man standing beside the
house with a lighted lantern in his hand. "What are you doing here?" he
asked, savagely, suspecting he had caught a criminal. For answer came a
chuckle, and--"It's only mee, zur."

The farmer recognized John, his shepherd.

"It's you, John, is it? What on earth are you doing here this time o'
night?"

Another chuckle. "I'm a-coortin' Ann, zur."

"And so you've come courting with a lantern, you fool. Why I never took
a lantern when I courted your mistress."

"No, zur, you didn't, zur," John chuckled. "We can all zee you didn't,
zur."

The senator and the major were walking up the avenue. The senator was
more than middle-aged and considerably more than fat, and, dearly as the
major loved him, he also loved his joke.

The senator turned with a pleased expression on his benign countenance
and