to be homely."

"Gee, then she abused the privilege."

Beauty is worse than wine; it intoxicates both the holder and the
beholder.--_Zimmermann_.

BEDS

A western politician tells the following story as illustrating the
inconveniences attached to campaigning in certain sections of the
country.

Upon his arrival at one of the small towns in South Dakota, where he was
to make a speech the following day, he found that the so-called hotel
was crowded to the doors. Not having telegraphed for accommodations, the
politician discovered that he would have to make shift as best he could.
Accordingly, he was obliged for that night to sleep on a wire cot which
had only some blankets and a sheet on it. As the politician is an
extremely fat man, he found his improvised bed anything but comfortable.

"How did you sleep?" asked a friend in the morning.

"Fairly well," answered the fat man, "but I looked like a waffle when I
got up."

BEER

A man to whom illness was chronic,
When told that he needed a tonic,
Said, "O Doctor dear,
Won't you please make it beer?"
"No, no," said the Doc., "that's Teutonic."

BEES

TEACHER--"Tommy, do you know 'How Doth the Little Busy Bee'?"

TOMMY--"No; I only know he doth it!"

BEETLES

Now doth the frisky June Bug
Bring forth his aeroplane,
And try to make a record,
And busticate his brain!

He bings against the mirror,
He bangs against the door,
He caroms on the ceiling,
And turtles on the floor!

He soars aloft, erratic,
He lands upon my neck,
And makes me creep and shiver,
A neurasthenic wreck!

--_Charles Irvin Junkin_.

BEGGING

THE "ANGEL" (about to give a beggar a dime)--"Poor man! And are you
married?"

BEGGAR--"Pardon me, madam! D'ye think I'd be relyin' on total strangers
for support if I had a wife?"

MAN--"Is there any reason why I should give you five cents?"

BOY--"Well, if I had a nice high hat like yours I wouldn't want it
soaked with snowballs."

MILLIONAIRE (to ragged beggar)--"You ask alms and do not even take your
hat off. Is that the proper way to beg?"

BEGGAR--"Pardon me, sir. A policeman is looking at us from across the
street. If I take my hat off he'll arrest me for begging; as it is, he
naturally takes us for old friends."

Once, while Bishop Talbot, the giant "cowboy bishop," was attending a
meeting of church dignitaries in St. Paul, a