CMLVII.--A BACK-HANDED HIT.

LORD DERBY once said that Ireland was positively worse than it is
_represented_. "That's intended," said A'Beckett, "as a sinister insult
to the members who represent that wretched country."

CMLVIII.--THINGS BY THEIR RIGHT NAMES.

IF by their names we things should call,
It surely would be _properer_,
To term a singing piece a bawl,
A dancing piece a _hopperer_!

CMLIX.--A FAVORITE AIR.

ONE of a party of friends, referring to an exquisite musical
composition, said: "That song always carries me away when I hear
it."--"Can anybody whistle it?" asked Jerrold, laughing.

CMLX.--A GOOD JOKE.

A FIRE-EATING Irishman challenged a barrister, who gratified him by an
acceptance. The duellist, being very lame, requested that he might have
a prop. "Suppose," said he, "I lean against this milestone?"--"With
pleasure," replied the lawyer, "on condition that I may lean against
_the next_." The joke settled the quarrel.

CMLXI.--ONE THING AT A TIME.

A VERY dull play was talked of, and one attempted a defence by saying,
"It was not hissed."--"True," said another; "no one can _hiss_ and
_gape_ at the same time."

CMLXII.--TROPHIES.

A FRENCH nobleman once showing Matthew Prior the palace of his master at
Versailles, and desiring him to observe the many _trophies_ of Louis the
Fourteenth's victories, asked Prior if King William, his master, had
many such trophies in his palace. "No," said Prior, "the monuments of my
master's victories are to be seen _everywhere_ but in his _own house_."

CMLXIII.--"BRIEF LET IT BE."

WHEN Baron Martin was at the Bar and addressing the Court of Exchequer
in an insurance case, he was interrupted by Mr. Baron Alderson
observing: "Mr. Martin, do you think any office would insure your life?
Remember, yours is a _brief_ existence."

CMLXIV.--GOOD ADVICE.

A PHILOSOPHER being asked of whom he had acquired so much knowledge,
replied, "Of the blind, who do not lift their feet until they have first
sounded, with their stick, the ground on which they are going to tread."

CMLXV.--EXPECTORATION.

WE are terribly afraid that some Americans spit upon the floor, even
when that floor is covered by good carpets. Now all claims to
civilization are suspended till this secretion is otherwise disposed of.
No English gentleman has spit upon the floor since the Heptarch