ot
many hours ago I received the intelligence; but he died in the
defence of his King!" Here his feelings became so powerful that they
choked his utterance, and, with his handkerchief to his eyes, he
staggered off the stage, amidst the applause of those who, not knowing
the man, pitied his situation. Now, the fact is, Cooke never possessed
L1,000 in his life, nor had he ever the honor of being a father; but,
too much intoxicated to recollect his part, he invented this story, as
the only way by which he could decently retire; and the sequel of the
business was, that he was sent home in a chair, whilst another actor
played the part.

CMXLIV.--THE SEASON-INGS.

"COME here, Johnny, and tell me what the four _seasons_ are." Young
Prodigy: "Pepper, salt, mustard, and vinegar."

CMXLV.--NOT AT HOME.

A WEAVER, after enjoying his potations, pursued his way home through the
churchyard, his vision and walking somewhat impaired. As he proceeded,
he diverged from the path, and unexpectedly stumbled into a partially
made grave. Stunned for a while, he lay in wonder at his descent, and
after some time he got out, but he had not proceeded much further when a
similar calamity befell him. At this second fall, he was heard, in a
tone of wonder and surprise, to utter the following exclamation,
referring to what he considered the untenanted graves, "Ay! ir ye _a' up
an' awa_?"

CMXLVI.--LINCOLN'S-INN DINNERS.

ON the evening of the coronation-day of our gracious Queen, the Benchers
of Lincoln's Inn gave the students a feed; when a certain profane wag,
in giving out a verse of the National Anthem, which he was solicited to
lead in a solo, took that opportunity of stating a grievance as to the
modicum of port allowed, in manner and form following:--

"Happy and glorious"--
_Three half-pints_ 'mong _four_ of us,
_Heaven send no more of us_,
God save the Queen!

which ridiculous perversion of the author's meaning was received with a
full chorus, amid tremendous shouts of laughter and applause.

CMXLVII.--WHY ARE WOMEN BEARDLESS?

HOW wisely Nature, ordering all below,
Forbade a beard on woman's _chin_ to grow,
For how could she be shaved (whate'er the skill)
Whose _tongue_ would never let her _chin_ be still!

CMXLVIII.--COOL RETORT.

HENDERSON, the actor, was seldom known to be in a passion. When at
Oxford, he was one day debating