)."

MXXX.--WILKES'S READY REPLY.

LUTTREL and Wilkes were standing on the Brentford hustings, when Wilkes
asked his adversary, privately, whether he thought there were more fools
or rogues among the multitude of Wilkites spread out before them. "I'll
tell them what you say, and put an end to you," said the Colonel. But,
perceiving the threat gave Wilkes no alarm, he added, "Surely you don't
mean to say you could stand here one hour after I did so?"--"Why (the
answer was), you would not be alive one instant after."--"How so?"--"I
should merely say it was a _fabrication_, and they would _destroy you_
in the twinkling of an eye!"

MXXXI.--TOO GRATEFUL.

AFTER O'Connell had obtained the acquittal of a horse-stealer, the
thief, in the ecstasy of his gratitude, cried out, "Och, counsellor,
I've no way _here_ to thank your honor; but I wish't I saw you _knocked
down in me own parish_,--wouldn't I bring a faction to the rescue?"

MXXXII.--THE POETS TO CERTAIN CRITICS.

SAY, why erroneous vent your spite?
Your censure, friends, will _raise_ us;
If you do wish to damn us quite,
Only begin to _praise_ us!

MXXXIII.--ODD HOUSEKEEPING.

MRS. MONTGOMERY was the only--the motherless--daughter of the stern
General Campbell, who early installed her into the duties of housekeeper,
and it sometimes happened that, in setting down the articles purchased,
and their prices, she put the "cart before the horse." Her gruff papa
never lectured her verbally, but wrote his remarks on the margin of the
paper, and returned it for correction. One such instance was as follows:
"General Campbell thinks five-and-six-pence exceedingly dear for
parsley." Henrietta instantly saw her mistake; but, instead of formally
rectifying it, wrote against the next item,--"Miss Campbell thinks
_twopence-halfpenny_ excessively _cheap for fowls_"; and sent it back to
her father.

MXXXIV.--TELLING ONE'S AGE.

A LADY, complaining how rapidly time stole away, said: "Alas! I am near
thirty." A doctor, who was present, and knew her age, said: "Do not fret
at it, madam; for you will get _further_ from that frightful epoch every
day."

MXXXV.--POT VALIANT.

PROVISIONS have a greater influence on the valor of troops than is
generally supposed; and there is great truth in the remark of an English
physician, who said, that with a six weeks' diet he could make a man a
coward. A disting