wan that's as much
iv a timp'rance man as a man that's been in my business f'r a year. I'd
give up all th' fun I get out iv dhrinkin' men to escape th' throuble I
have fr'm dhrunkards. Drink's a poison. I don't deny it. I'll admit I'm
no betther thin an ordinhry doctor. Both iv us gives ye something that
cures ye iv th' idee that th' pain in ye'er chest is pnoomony iv th'
lungs. If it really is pnoomony ye go off somewhere an' lie down an'
ayether ye cure ye'ersilf iv pnoomony or th' pnoomony cures ye iv life.
Dhrink niver made a man betther, but it has made manny a man think he
was betther. A little iv it lifts ye out iv th' mud where chance has
thrown ye; a little more makes ye think th' stains on ye'er coat ar-re
eppylets; a little more dhrops ye back into th' mud again. It's a frind
to thim that ar-re cold to it an' an inimy to those that love it most.
It welcomes thim in an' thrips thim as they go out. I tell ye 'tis a
threacherous dhrug an' it oughtn't to be given to ivry man.

"To get a dhrink a man ought first to be examined be his parish priest
to see whether he needs it an' how it's goin' to affect him. F'r wan man
he'd write on th' prescription 'Ad lib,' as Dock O'Leary does whin he
ordhers a mustard plasther f'r me; f'r another he'd write: 'Three times
a day at meals.' But most people he wudden't prescribe it f'r at all.

"Do I blame th' ladies? Faith, I do not. Ye needn't think I'm proud iv
me business. I only took to it because I am too selfish to be a mechanic
an' too tender-hearted to be a banker or a lawyer. No, sir, I wudden't
care a sthraw if all th' dhrink in th' wurruld was dumped to-morrah into
th' Atlantic Ocean, although f'r a week or two afther it was I'd have to
get me a diving suit if I wanted to see annything iv me frinds.

"No, sir; th' ladies ar-re not to blame. They've always thried to reform
man, an' they haven't yet got onto th' fact that maybe he's not worth
reformin'. They don't undherstan' why a man shud be allowed to pizen
himsilf into th' belief that he amounts to something, but thin they
don't undherstand man. They little know what a bluff he is an' how 'tis
on'y be fortifyin' himsilf with stuff that they regard as iv no use
except to burn undher a tea-kettle that he dares to go on livin' at all.
He knows how good dhrink makes him look to himsilf, an' he dhrinks. They
see how it makes him look to ivrybody else, an' they want to take it
away fr'm him. Whin he's sober his bluff is