ing nicissry to existence comes in
free. What, f'r example, says ye? I'll look. Here it is. Curling stones.
There, I told ye. Curling stones are free. Ye'll be able to buy all
ye'll need this summer f'r practically nawthin'. No more will ladies
comin' into this counthry have to conceal curling stones in their
stockin's to avoid th' iniquitous customs.

"What else? Well, teeth. Here it is in th' bill: 'Teeth free iv jooty.'
Undher th' Dingley bill they were heavily taxed. Onless ye cud prove that
they had cost ye less thin a hundhred dollars, or that ye had worn thim
f'r two years in Europe, or that ye were bringin' thim in f'r scientific
purposes or to give a museem, there was an enormous jooty on teeth. Th'
Governmint used to sind profissyonal humorists down to th' docks to
catch th' teeth smugglers. But fr'm now on ye can flaunt ye'er teeth in
th' face iv anny inspictor. Ye don't have to declare thim. Ye don't have
to put thim in th' bottom iv ye'er thrunk. Ye don't have to have thim
chalked or labelled befure ye get off th' dock. Ye don't have to hand a
five to th' inspictor an' whisper: 'I've got a few bicuspids that I
picked up while abroad. Be a good fellow an' let me through.' No, sir,
teeth are free.

"What other nicissities, says ye? Well, there's sea moss. That's a good
thing. Ivry poor man will apprecyate havin' sea moss to stir in his tea.
Newspapers, nuts, an' nux vomica ar-re free. Ye can take th' London
_Times_ now. But that ain't all by anny means. They've removed th' jooty
on Pulu. I didn't think they'd go that far, but in spite iv th'
protests iv th' Pulu foundhries iv Sheboygan they ruthlessly sthruck it
fr'm th' list iv jootyable articles. Ye know what Pulu is, iv coorse,
an' I'm sure ye'll be glad to know that this refreshin' bev'rage or soap
is on th' free list. Sinitor Root in behalf iv th' pulu growers iv New
York objicted, but Sinitor Aldhrich was firm. 'No, sir,' he says, 'we
must not tax annything that enters into th' daily life iv th' poor,' he
says. 'While not a dhrinkin' man mesilf, I am no bigot, an' I wud not
deny anny artisan his scuttle iv pulu,' he says. So pulu was put on th'
free list, an' iv coorse Zapper an' Alazarin had to go on, too, as it is
on'y be addin' thim to pulu that ye can make axle-grease.

"There was a gr-reat sthruggle over can-nary bur-rd seed.
Riprisintatives iv th' Chicago packers insisted that in time canary
bur-rds cud be taught to eat pork chops. Manny sinitor