's else. Most
sojers don't like to be kilt. A Jap'nese sojer prefers it. It was hard
to convince th' nation that they hadn't lost th' war with Rooshya
because not so many Rooshyans had been kilt as Japs. Faith we ought to
be scared iv thim. I niver see wan without wondhrin' whether me cellar
is bomb-proof.

"An' I sigh f'r th' good old days befure we become what Hogan calls a
wurruld power. In thim days our fav'rite spoort was playin' solytare,
winnin' money fr'm each other, an' no wan th' worse off. Ivry-body was
invious iv us. We didn't care f'r th' big game goin' on in th' corner.
Whin it broke up in a row we said: 'Gintlemen, gintlemen!' an' maybe
wint over an' grabbed somebody's stake. But we cudden't stand it anny
longer. We had to give up our simple little game iv patience an' cut
into th' other deal. An' now, be Hivens, we have no peace iv mind. Wan
hand we have wan partner; another hand he's again us. This minyit th'
Jap an' me ar-re playin' together an' I'm tellin' him what a fine lead
that was; th' next an' he's again me an' askin' me kindly not to look
at his hand. There ar-re no frinds at cards or wurruld pollyticks. Th'
deal changes an' what started as a frindly game iv rob ye'er neighbor
winds up with an old ally catchin' me pullin' an ace out iv me boot an'
denouncin' me."

"Sure thim little fellows wud niver tackle us," said Mr. Hennessy. "Th'
likes iv thim!"

"Well," said Mr. Dooley, "'tis because they ar-re little ye've got to be
polite to thim. A big man knows he don't have to fight, but whin a man
is little an' knows he's, little an' is thinkin' all th' time he's
little an' feels that ivrybody else is thinkin' he's little, look out
f'r him."

THE HAGUE CONFERENCE

"I see," said Mr. Hennessy, "we're goin' to sind th' navy to th'
Passyfic."

"I can't tell," said Mr. Dooley, "whether th' navy is goin' to spend th'
rest iv its days protectin' our possessions in th' Oryent or whether it
is to remain in th' neighborhood iv Barnstable makin' th' glaziers iv
New England rich beyond th' dhreams iv New England avarice, which ar-re
hopeful dhreams. Th' cabinet is divided, th' Sicrety iv th' Navy is
divided, th' Prisidint is divided an' th' press is divided. Wan great
iditor, fr'm his post iv danger in Paris, has ordhered th' navy to
report at San Francisco at four eight next Thursday. Another great
iditor livin' in Germany has warned it that it will do so at its peril.
Nawthin' is so fine as t