famyous docthrine? Supposin' a bear shud attack
Conneticut an' th' bells shud ring f'r th' citizens to arise, an' these
little darlings shud follow this false prophet an' run out in their
nighties an' thry to leap at his throat. Wudden't the bear be surprised?
Wudden't the little infants be surprised? Ye bet they wud. I want these
here darlings to know th' blessed truth, th' softenin' an' beautiful
truth that th' on'y way f'r a wolf to kill a bear is to disembowel him.
There is no other way. Th' wolf springs at his prey, an' with wan
terrific lunch pries him open. No wolf cud kill a bear th' way Willum
J. Long iv Stamford has described. A bear has th' sthrongest throat iv
anny crather in th' wurruld, barrin' Bryan. Why, I wud hate to have to
sthrangle a bear. I did wanst, but I had writer's cramp f'r months
aftherward.'

"An' that settles it. Fr'm now on ye can get anny wan iv these here
nature writers be callin' up four iliven eight B, Buena Park. Th' wild
animiles can go back to their daily life iv doin' th' best they can an'
th' worst they can, which is th' same thing with thim, manin' get what
ye want to eat an' go to sleep with ye'er clothes on. But some wan ought
to bring out a new nature story. I've thought iv chapter twinty-eight:
'With wan blow iv his pen he laid low, but not much lower, Orpheus L.
Jubb, th' well-known minichure painter who has taken up nature study.
With another he disembowelled th' Riv'rend Doctor Aleck Guff, who
retired fr'm th' Universalist Church because he cud not subscribe to
their heejous docthrines about th' future life, an' wrote his
cillybrated book on wild animiles iv th' West fr'm a Brooklyn car
window. It took on'y a moment f'r him to inflict a mortal wound on
Seton-Thompson's kodak. An' Tiddy Rosenfelt stood alone in th' primeval
forest. Suddenly there was a sound in th' bushes. He loaded his pen, an'
thin give a gasp iv relief, f'r down th' glade come his thrusted ally,
John Burroughs, leadin' captive th' pair iv wild white mice that had so
long preyed on th' counthry.'

"An' there ye ar-re, Hinnissy. In me heart I'm glad these neefaryous
plots iv Willum J. Long an' others have been defeated. Th' man that
tells ye'er blessed childher that th' way a wild goat kills an owl is be
pretendin' to be an alarum clock, is an undesirable citizen. He ought to
be put in an aquaryum. But take it day in an' day out an' Willum J. Long
won't give anny information to ye'er son Packy that'll dec