can't go on a thrain an' have anny fun lookin' at th' other
passengers or invyin th' farmers their fields an' not invyin' their
houses. Not a bit iv it. He has to put a book in his pocket. He'll tell
ye that th' on'y readin' is Doctor Eliot's cillybrated old blend an'
he'll talk larnedly about th' varyous vintages. But I've seen him read
books that wud kill a thruckman. Th' result iv it is that Hogan is
always wrong about ivrything. He sees th' wurruld upside down. Some men
are affected diff'rent. Readin' makes thim weep. But it makes Hogan
believe in fairies while he's at it. He's irresponsible. There ain't
annything in th' wurruld f'r him but dark villyans an' blond heroes. An'
he's always fightin' these here imaginary inimies an' frinds, wantin' to
desthroy a poor, tired, scared villyan, an' losin' his good money to a
hero. I've thried to stop him. 'Use ye'er willpower,' say I. 'Limit
ye'ersilf to a book or two a day,' says I. 'Stay in th' open air. Take
soft readin'. How d'ye expict to get on in th' wurruld th' way ye are
goin'? Who wud make a confirmed reader th' cashier iv a bank? Ye'd
divide ye'er customers into villyans an' heroes an' ye wudden't lend
money to th' villyans. An' thin ye'd be wrong aven if ye were right. F'r
th' villyans wud be more apt to have th' money to bring back thin th'
heroes,' says I. 'Ye may be right,' says he. 'But 'tis too late to do
annything with me. An' I don't care. It may hurt me in th' eyes iv me
fellow counthrymen, but look at th' fun I get out iv it. I wudden't
thrade th' injanyous wicked people an' th' saints that I see f'r all
th' poor, dull, half-an'-half crathers that ye find in th' wurruld,'
says he.

"An' there ye ar-re. It's just as his frind, th' most prom'nent
get-rich-quick-man iv his time, wanst said: 'Readin' makes a man full.'
An' maybe Hogan's right. Annyhow, I'm glad to have him advised about his
books so that he won't hurt himsilf with lithrachoor that don't come
undher th' pure food act. An' I'm glad to welcome our young friend
Charles Eliot into our ancient univarsity. He'll like it f'r awhile. He
is sure to make th' team an' I wudden't mind seein' him captain iv it.
'Tis a gr-reat colledge afther all, an' if it makes me mad part iv th'
time, because I'm always gettin' licked f'r what somebody else has done,
on th' whole I injye it. Th' coorse is hard. Ivry man, woman, an' child
is profissor an' student to ye. Th' examinations are tough. Ye niver
know whin th