-night to discuss
sindin' a fleet to San Francisco to punish th' neglect iv threaty rights
iv th' Japanese be a sthreet car conductor who wudden't let a subjick iv
th' Mickydoo ride on th' Thirty-first Sthreet line with an Ogden Avnoo
thransfer dated August eighteen hundherd an' siventy-two.' 'Th'
Prisidint has ordhered th' arrest an' imprisonmint iv a dentist in
Albany who hurt a Jap'nese whose tooth he was fillin'. He has raquisted
th' Mickydoo to give us another chance befure layin' waste our land.'
'Followin' th' advice iv th' Jap'nese ambassadure f'r poor young Japs to
marry rich American girls, a Jap'nese combynation theelogical student
an' cook applied f'r th' hand iv th' daughter iv th' boordin'-house
keeper where he was employed. He was able to limp to th' Jap'nese
Consul's house, where he made a complaint to th' Impror, who was an old
frind iv his father. Th' Prisidint has ordhered th' lady to marry th'
Chink.' 'Th' Hoop-la Theatre was closed last night on complaint iv th'
Jap'nese ambassadure that th' Fluff Opry Comp'ny was givin' a
riprisintation iv Jap'nese charackter in pink robes instead iv th'
seemly black derby hats, a size too large, Prince Albert coats,
pear-colored pants, button shoes, sthring neckties, an' spectacles which
is th' well-known unyform iv th' gloryous race. As token iv their grief
th' Cab'net waited on th' Jap'nese embassy at dinner to-night an'
Admiral Bob Evans has been ordhered to sink th' battle ship _Louisyanny_
an' carry Gin'ral Kroky's hat box to th' deepo.'

"An' so it goes. I'm in a state iv alarum all th' time. In th' good old
days we wudden't have thought life was worth livin' if we cudden't
insult a foreigner. That's what they were f'r. Whin I was sthrong,
befure old age deprived me iv most iv me pathritism an' other infantile
disordhers, I niver saw a Swede, a Hun, an Eyetalian, a Boohlgaryan, a
German, a Fr-rinchman, that I didn't give him th' shouldher. If 'twas an
Englishman I give him th' foot too. Threaty rights, says ye? We give
him th' same threaty rights he'd give us, a dhrink an' a whack on th'
head. It seemed proper to us. If 'twas right to belong to wan
naytionality, 'twas wrong to belong to another. If 'twas a man's proud
boast to be an American, it was a disgrace to be a German an' a joke to
be a Fr-rinchman.

"An' that goes now. Ye can bump anny foreigner ye meet but a Jap. Don't
touch him. He's a live wire. Don't think ye can pull his impeeryal hat
down on