Tennyson J. Daft_.

At the wedding reception the young man remarked: "Wasn't it annoying
the way that baby cried during the whole ceremony?"

"It was simply dreadful," replied the prim little maid of honor; "and
when I get married I'm going to have engraved right in the corner of
the invitations: 'No babies expected.'"

"The man who gives in when he is wrong," said the street orator, "is a
wise man; but he who gives in when he is right is--"

"Married!" said a meek voice in the crowd.

Mrs. Killifer desired that the picture be hung to the right of the
door; Mr. Killifer wanted it hung to the left. For once the husband
proved to be the more insistent of the two, and Henry, the colored
man, was summoned to hang the picture according to Mr. Killifer's
order.

Henry drove in a nail on the left. This done, he also drove one in the
wall on the right.

"Why are you driving that second nail?" asked Mr. Killifer.

"Why, boss, dat's to save me de trouble of bringin' de ladder tomorrow
when you come round to de missus's way of thinkin'," said Henry.

Mr. Brown met Mr. Jones on the street.

"Any news, Brown?" asked Jones.

"Nothing special. I've just been reading the Sunday paper. And I find
one peculiar thing in it that may be news to you."

"What is it?"

"The Sunday paper says that women in ancient Egypt used to act as
they pleased, live as they pleased, and dress as they pleased, without
regard to what the men thought. Lucky we don't live in those times,
what?"

"Mr. Brown, are you married?"

"What has that got to do with it? As a matter of fact, I'm not."

"I thought not."

"She calls her dog and her husband by the same pet name. It must cause
frequent confusion."

"Not at all. She always speaks gently to the dog."

"Pa, a man's wife is his better half, isn't she?"

"We are told so, my son."

"Then if a man marries twice there isn't anything left of him, is
there?"

_How the Row Started_

MR. BROWN--"I had a queer dream last night, my dear. I thought I saw
another man running off with you."

MRS. BROWN--"And what did you say to him?"

MR. BROWN--"I asked him what he was running for."

Uncle Josh was comfortably lighting his pipe in the living-room one
evening when Aunt Maria glanced up from her knitting.

"John," she remarked, "do you know that next Sunday will be the
twenty-fifth anniversary of our wedding?"

"You don't say so, Maria!" responded Uncle Josh, pulling vigorou