he way, Shropshire is your county, is it not?

Jack. Eh? Shropshire? Yes, of course. Hallo! Why all these cups? Why
cucumber sandwiches? Why such reckless extravagance in one so young? Who
is coming to tea?

Algernon. Oh! merely Aunt Augusta and Gwendolen.

Jack. How perfectly delightful!

Algernon. Yes, that is all very well; but I am afraid Aunt Augusta won't
quite approve of your being here.

Jack. May I ask why?

Algernon. My dear fellow, the way you flirt with Gwendolen is perfectly
disgraceful. It is almost as bad as the way Gwendolen flirts with you.

Jack. I am in love with Gwendolen. I have come up to town expressly to
propose to her.

Algernon. I thought you had come up for pleasure? . . . I call that
business.

Jack. How utterly unromantic you are!

Algernon. I really don't see anything romantic in proposing. It is very
romantic to be in love. But there is nothing romantic about a definite
proposal. Why, one may be accepted. One usually is, I believe. Then
the excitement is all over. The very essence of romance is uncertainty.
If ever I get married, I'll certainly try to forget the fact.

Jack. I have no doubt about that, dear Algy. The Divorce Court was
specially invented for people whose memories are so curiously
constituted.

Algernon. Oh! there is no use speculating on that subject. Divorces are
made in Heaven--[Jack puts out his hand to take a sandwich. Algernon at
once interferes.] Please don't touch the cucumber sandwiches. They are
ordered specially for Aunt Augusta. [Takes one and eats it.]

Jack. Well, you have been eating them all the time.

Algernon. That is quite a different matter. She is my aunt. [Takes
plate from below.] Have some bread and butter. The bread and butter is
for Gwendolen. Gwendolen is devoted to bread and butter.

Jack. [Advancing to table and helping himself.] And very good bread and
butter it is too.

Algernon. Well, my dear fellow, you need not eat as if you were going to
eat it all. You behave as if you were married to her already. You are
not married to her already, and I don't think you ever will be.

Jack. Why on earth do you say that?

Algernon. Well, in the first place girls never marry the men they flirt
with. Girls don't think it right.

Jack. Oh, that is nonsense!

Algernon. It isn't. It is a great truth. It accounts for the
extraordinary number of bachelors that one sees all over the place.